


we are anti-venøm (in pøisøn places)

by orphan_account



Category: All Time Low, Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: A lot of hair dye, Abusive Parents, Adoption, Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bad consequences, Bands, Brendon and Dallon are good friends, Broken Promises, Bruises, Bullying, Cake, Christmas Eve, Christmastime, Comfort, Concerts, Control, Dallon is Single idk why, Depression, Dissociation, Drug Addiction, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs Hugs, Falling In Love, Fear, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frerard, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Horror Films, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jalex - Freeform, Keep Running, Learning to trust, Like a ton of it, Loss of family members, M/M, Marriage, Miss cooper is based off my english teacher, Multi, Music, Music is therapy, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Patrick goes to a different school, Please dont hate me for this, Poetry, Presents, Promises, Proposals, Relapse, Rikey, Sadness, Sci-Fi, Secrets, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Some Fluff, Song Lyrics, Star Wars - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Talking, They are the kids from yesterday, This turned out dark, Trohley - Freeform, Trust Issues, Unreliable updates, WTF me, Why do I do this, Young Volcanoes, a lot of cake, a lot of film references, a lot of recovery and comfort, christmas day, crying crying, denying parents, diaries, dont get cocky kid, group chat sometimes, high school sucks, its a sad fic ok? I'm a sad person, ive always wanted to write that tag wow, joshler - Freeform, loss of friends, mental breakdowns, past alcoholism, past self harm, ryden is real, struggles, the occasional text conversation, there's going to be a lot of angst, they hate school, they're just sad beans im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-16 22:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 54
Words: 23,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: all they can do is hold each other to keep themselves from falling apart.all they have is now and the music





	1. anchor me and save me from myself. please

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, just wanted to give you lot a preview. 
> 
> Hope you like it! Kudos and comments are appreciated.  
> This is my first fanfic with the boys from all time low. I'm so excited to write them because them and their music means so much to me - the same to the other awesome boys! <3

It was an understatement to say that Patrick Martin Stump didn't like school.

Patrick Stump despised school with every particle of his being.

He desired the freedom of escaping the building and plugging his headphones into his phone and hearing his friends’ demos blast about his empty skull.  
On the flip side he HATED having to tie his tie every morning, hated putting on his stupid blazer. Hated not being able to see his friends for days because of stupid concerts and moronic, void parties hosted by the stuck up posh assholes in his class. 

Patrick just wanted to be with Pete. But of bloody course his parents hate the only boy that makes Patrick wake up every morning. 

He had so many scars on his arms, they weren't listening to him. Pat was fucking screaming but only his friends could hear him. 

Bloody hell, did Patrick adore his friends. 

He owed them his life. 


	2. it pours when you're out on your own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rain down and wash it all away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: self harm
> 
> Stay safe guys <3

His tie was so suffocating.

It didn’t help that whenever teachers ask That Question, you know the one, “Are you okay?” and you can’t give them a straight answer because it’s a bit heavy to talk about the fact that you want to die at 9:00 am in the morning.

Patrick hid behind books and his love for music.

His English teacher, Miss Cooper was the literal best. She let him write stories, poems, songs, whatever during her classes. She didn’t even bat an eyelid when Patrick came in looking sad. He told her why after all and she totally understood. The teacher realised that the boy didn’t want to talk the moment he got in, he always came in looking a bit out of it. Preoccupied by whatever idea he was thinking about.

Adjusting his blazer so the sleeves are over his forearms, they rode up just for a second and the terrified boy saw the pale lines on his wrist. Cursing underneath his breath, the self hatred pulling him down again before he went to hell; he yanked them over his wrists and put his music on full volume.

Gerard, Frank, Ray, Mikey and their ever changing drummer had done some demos, and because Patrick was chill he let the boys put them on his phone. His friends called themselves ‘My Chemical Romance’.

It was brilliant! One time, when their drummer was off somewhere, Patrick played for them. Only for one song, but the memory was as vivid as it was yesterday.

The sky was grey, Gerard was all made up in his vampire makeup. Frank was warming up and helping Patrick out with some basic chords on his acoustic. The small guitarist was also swearing and jumping up and down. Like usual. Ray was happy as usual and only seconds before had been teaching Mikey guitar before Gee had had a beer and everything went a bit wrong. Patrick had to drag Gerard away from the mini-fridge and dump the alcohol in the bin outside. The boys were so happy and Patrick was extremely anxious, for God’s sake he hadn’t played the drums in years and here he was practicing only moments before they were due on.

That was a good day. Almost wistfully, Patrick wished for another one of those.

The tune currently washing his anxieties away, just like the rain was, was a song called ‘Vampires Will Never Hurt You.”

Kudos to Gee, his vocals were utterly brilliant. But unfortunately, the sky seemed to disagree as it soaked the shaking boy in water that made his sadness all the more palpable.

Patrick didn’t like rain at all, but at the same he did like that it was so powerful that, in some ways, it had the power to utterly destroy him.

To top that all of, the sheep in his class were giving him so much shit.

All because he decided to dye his hair blonde, Andy and Joe had held his head and hair over the sink while it dripped with freezing water and Pete massaged the dye into his boyfriend’s hair.

When the Stumph’s saw what had happened to their son, they threw the boys out and shouted at him. For too long. Far too long. He knew they were right, he was a ‘disappointment’ and he was so ‘goddamn ungrateful’.

That was all he could think about when he closed the bathroom door and his emotions fell away as more and more red lines appeared on his wrists and all he could think was:

_**You deserve it.** _

Patrick did a lot of thinking on the way to school.

And the second he stepped through those gates, everything got so much heavier.


	3. what a catch, what a catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't get any sleep.
> 
> The memories wouldn't leave him alone.
> 
> Tw: past suicide attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it's short, i was inspired i suppose.

He didn’t remember when he drifted off to be honest.  He'd had so many nightmares yesterday that he thought he wasn't awake.

Or he didn't want to wake up.

* * *

 

Pete Wentz sat up, shaking as he hastily ran his fingers through his wet hair.

No, he hadn’t walked home in the rain or showered before he slept.

Or at least attempted to. He was soaked in sweat, his black Metallica shirt sticking to his skin.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He cursed over and over under his breath.  The numbers on his alarm glared at him.

It was 8:50am.

School started in 10 mins.

* * *

“DAMMNIT!” Pete yelled, slamming his foot into his bedpost and stumbling away in a fit of anger and self hatred.

Avoiding his reflection in the stained mirror, he scrubbed his teeth and yanked some black jeans over his trembling legs. Not caring at all, he threw his ruined shirt at his basket and threw on a random grey tee. Then shouted goodbye to anyone that could hear him over the sounds of the TV and the slamming of doors and shattering of wine bottles.

* * *

He saw the raised scar on his left wrist. It all came back to him as he fled to school, crying his eyes out.

The song he wrote for Patrick blasting about his buzzing brain.

**_"I got troubled thoughts_ **

**_And the self-esteem to match_ **

**_What a catch, what a catch..."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're all doing okay and have a brilliant tomorrow.
> 
> <3


	4. manage me (im a mess)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont let them know, simple as that.
> 
> what if they want to know though?
> 
> dont let them know.
> 
> tw: self harm, relapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from weightless by all time low, brilliant song.

Pete rushed into the bricked building, pathetic graffiti lining the walls.

He didn’t want anyone to look at him, not this morning. So he kept his head down, shoulders hunched, book tightly gripped. He didn’t deserve anyone’s attention because all he did was ruin and destroy all who came near him.

* * *

He didn’t let anyone into his fucked up head, because he hated all of it.

He was holding the paperback so tight that his knuckles were blanched and tightening.

* * *

Joe saw Pete from his locker. Andy had his arm round his boyfriend’s shoulders and was tapping a drum beat on Joe’s covered wrist.

“You okay up there Joey?” Andy whispered, concern etched on his face. 

“Look at Pete.” Joe replied - he didn't want to worry Andy after all. 

To the curly haired boy’s relief Andy didn't say anything. 

Andy was slightly frustrated that Joe hasn't answered his question, clenching his fist in a light haze of annoyance he decided against asking again. 

The red-haired boy waved his friend over. “Pete! Hey mate!”

* * *

Pete froze. Thoughts hammering about his brain

**_They don’t care_ **

**_They never cared_ **

**_Leave them_ **

**_Before you fuck them up too._ **

The shaking boy with black hair turned to face his friends.  “Hey guys..” He greeted weakly, his facade crumbling.

The guitarist looked at him, the boy was clearly in a bad state. “How are you?” Joe whispered softly.

“Dandy.” Pete replied, eyes wet with unshed tears.

But he left so much unsaid in that one moment.

_ It’s back again, Joe. It came back and all I want to do is die. _

“How bout you guys?”

* * *

 

Joe looked down at his shoes. “To be honest, been doing shit. My mum didn’t stop shouting at me last night. It hurt. So I went to the bathroom and-” His voice cracked and Pete held his shaking friend close.

“Joe…” Andy mumbled. “Why?”

“I’m sorry!” Joe whimpered, tears staining his friend’s shirt.

The bell went, cutting through the revelations and confessions of the grey morning.

Then they went to class, closely stood by one another as they headed into homeroom.

The boys were holding onto one another for dear life and Pete couldn't help but wish he had Patrick to hold him right now.

To tell him he meant something to someone when all he wanted to was leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm finding writing this rather therapeutic - it's good to get my feelings into words i suppose and it's nice to escape everything and focus on creating.
> 
> hope you're enjoying this, let me know if you are maybe aha.
> 
> comments appreciated xo
> 
> WHO'S READY FOR SOME RIKEY FLUFF NEXT CHAPTER???
> 
> I AM! <3


	5. let's be alone together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the rikey fluff is here hope it's not cheesy.
> 
> sorry its so madly short, just wanted to write some rikey fluff idk why xo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's inspired by the following moments:
> 
> intro to vampire money, makes me laugh so hard i stg. it makes me so happy for no apparent reason.  
> and when ray stuck his hand in a cupcake.

Mikey sat up in bed, Ray squirming next to him and moving closer.

Ray seemed to almost be mewling, it was so adorable that Mikey couldn’t help but gently kiss his boyfriend’s temple.

* * *

 

“Hey. Cupcake.” Mikey mumbled into his ear. Attempting to keep a straight face, but was unsuccessful, Mikey giggled as his boyfriend realised what he was saying

Ray squealed and thumped Mikey gently in the chest. 

“Oh my god, that was one time. It was an accident… the cupcake was there and my hand ACCIDENTALLY fell into it!”

Ray was cringing so hard at the memory that it was hilarious.

* * *

 

“I suppose it’s a bad time to tell you I made chocolate cupcakes.”

Ray raised his eyebrows and spun around, well as best as he could as he was lying on a bed, and screamed in delight.

“WHY?”

Mikey shook his head and smiled.

“Why the fuck not, you fuckin ready to destroy some chocolate marvels.”

“Yeah!!”


	6. (come on, make it easy) say i never mattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he didn't tell them 
> 
> But then he did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: alcoholism and past suicide attempt. 
> 
> I'm sorry.  
> Wow a couple chapters tonight I'm inspired aha 
> 
> Stay safe and alive loves,  
> E <33

Gerard Arthur Way was collapsed on the worn sofa. 

Numb to all around him.  
The alcohol made all of it go away. 

But it made him such a fucking mess.

I mean, here he was sobbing into his brother’s boyfriend’s shoulder. 

* * *

 

"I'm such a goddamn fuckup Ray. I mean I'm bloody destroying Mikey..” the red haired boy’s voice cracked and he yanked at his hair in a fit of fury.

Ray looked shocked. “Gee, gee, please believe me when I tell you this. You could never destroy Mikey. Not even for a second. That boy loves you so much. Now I'm going to put the beers away.”

“Nooo Ray noooo,” Gerard slurred, eyes glazed. He let out a rough laugh. “Did I ever tell you I tried to kill myself?”

Ray paused and turned to face his breaking friend. “What?” He whispered softly.

“I was gonna jump of that fucking bridge then Frank and Andy, who came out of fucking nowhere, yanked me down.” Gerard was crying his eyes out and muttering under his breath.

**_FUCKUP FUCKUP  
FUCKUP_ **

Ray was still a state of shock but handed Gerard a mug of hot chocolate. The boy’s fingers shook as he held it close to his chest.

“Can you hear it Ray?”  
“Hear what?”

“My heart.” Gerard smiled sadly at his heartbroken curly haired friend and closed his eyes. Drifting off into a fitful sleep.


	7. i could scream forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They need him now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for calling ray princess fro fro and if it takes away from the seriousness of what's happening. I just felt like that's what frank would call him tbh as that's what we call him. <3

Frank Anthony Iero was collapsed on his bed.  
Staring at the ceiling as he gently strummed his acoustic on his chest.

Thinking of nothing.

His phone pinged and a text flashed up, it was Toro, the genius.

9:34, Princess Fro Fro: you never told me what he did

9:35, Fronk: what do you mean? Who did what?

9:35, Princess Fro Fro: gerard. He never told me. 

9:36, Fronk: told you what?

9:37, Princess Fro Fro: I’m being serious, stop with the Princess Fro Fro bullshit right now. Frank Iero, listen to me. Please.

Frank raised his eyebrows in shock, Ray rarely ever swore, he was a Good Boy™ Also what was going on with Gerard? He was meant to be coming round right about now.

9:37, Fronk: ok, what about gee?

9:38, Princess Fro Fro: he was going to jump??

Frank stopped, he forgot to breathe.  
The dark trickled in, just for a moment.

**_Look at the mess you’ve made  
No one likes you now  
Round of applause for this fucking idiot right here._ **

9:45, Princess Fro Fro: you ok frankie?

9:45, Fronk: dandy. 

9:46, Princess Fro Fro: be honest with me

9:47, Fronk: I’m coming round.

9:48, Princess Fro Fro: Iero, you need to tell me the truth. Does Mikey know? Also, what about Joe and Pete and Pat, did Hurley tell them?

9:49, Fronk: no one knows princess. No one apart from gee, andy and me. And now you I suppose.

9:50, Princess Fro Fro: but, this is mikey. Come on. 

9:50, Fronk: stay put, get mikey with you, the others are at school… shit it started basically a hour ago -- what the fuck???!!!

9:51: Princess Fro Fro: we need you, please come <3


	8. and the sky opens up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Alex Gaskarth <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In so many Ways (why do I do this lmao) this is so cliched but I still love this chapter. 
> 
> I wrote Alex and I'm so happy!! <33

Patrick was done.  
And it was only 2nd period for God’s sake.

The thoughts weren’t stopping and he craved the release of the blade.  
But he had promised his friends that he wouldn’t do it again.  
But he needed it so fucking bad and, I mean, he deserved it after all.

He had no one. No one.  
It was just him, in his stupid school away from all his friends.

He wanted his friends more than the blade, that had to be better right?  
Flipping through his notebook, unfinished poems, story ideas scattered all around the pages, he smiled and found a note that Gee had written.

* * *

 

_Think happy thoughts xo Gee_

Damn, did he need that right now. The words in the reading book before him were blurring and fragmented. He didn’t want to be there.

Sitting at the back of the class, mind elsewhere as his teacher droned on about whatever; he remembered what some prick had said to him the other day.  
It hurt, but he didn’t let them know. Or at least he hoped and prayed he didn’t.

_“All emos should just die to be honest. Don’t you agree?”_

_Patrick hadn’t replied, he was already terrified of his brain so kept quiet for fear that he might lash out._  
Then he’d get in trouble.  
Then he would go to the bathroom and close the door.

_So Patrick didn’t say anything. Nothing at all._

* * *

 

A boy walked in, he looked really anxious, bless him. He had black jeans on and his hands were shaking.

He was wearing a ‘The Ramones’ shirt and Patrick approved, smiling as he turned his eyes down to his messed-up spiral pad before him.

Patrick’s head snapped up when he heard a bang.

Hesitantly, the kid had gently tapped the teacher on the shoulder and they swung around to face him.

Said boy flinched and stepped back, falling on the hard floor, cursing under his breath. He looked like he was about to cry.  
Brushing at his jeans, he stood back up on wobbling legs.

He whispered something to the teacher and then turned to face the class, raising his hand in greeting.

“Class, say hello to our new student. Do you want to introduce yourself kiddo?”

“Yeah,” The kid stammered, drumming his thigh.  
“Hi guys, I’m moved to the States when I was a kid, grew up here; but I was born in England. I’m Alex, Alex Gaskarth. I like music, Green Day and The Ramones are my shit-” Alex looked horrified.

The teacher laughed and shook her head, forgetting to scold the nervous boy in front of her. “Language.” She chuckled.

“Sorry m’am. I mean... I love Green Day and The Ramones, so yeah. I also play guitar and sing sometimes… um.”

The teacher smiled. “Well, it’s nice to have you in our class Alex.”

“Erm… excuse me? Where should I sit?” It was taking a lot of effort for the words to come out, Alex was clearly terrified.

The teacher looked about the class for an empty seat, Patrick could feel her eyes on him. 

"Go sit next to Patrick dear, he’s just over there.”

She gestured to him, Alex mumbled a thanks and headed to sit next to the boy in the suffocating tie.

“Hi… I’m Alex.” He gave the blonde a small smile.  
Patrick looked up at the boy in front of him. “I like your shirt,” he replied.

Alex raised his eyebrows, like he was waiting for something.  
“Oh yeah, sorry mate!” Patrick chuckled and held out his hand. “I’m Patrick, Patrick Stump. Nice to meet you. Welcome to hell.”


	9. i'm a walking travesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont hurt me please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: past/implied sexual assault
> 
> stay safe and alive my friends xx

Alex didn’t want to go in.

Last time he had went to school, let’s just say things hadn’t went to plan.

Some prick had hurt him, a lot, lied about loving him and not listened to Alex when he said no. He knew they weren’t there anymore, but he could still feel His hands on his skin, feel the bruises that sprouted when he pleaded for Him to stop and he didn’t.

The boy next to him was biting his lip, as he ran his hand through his mop of stark blonde hair, Alex noticed lines on his wrists.

“Patrick, right?” Alex whispered hesitantly.

“Yeah.” The boy grinned gently.

“I’ve never seen someone with lines…” His eyes were suddenly wet with tears. So were Patrick’s.

“Hey Alex,” Patrick coughed, holding the brunette’s hand. “Sit with me at lunch, okay? I’ve got you mate.”

The bell rang, slicing the comfortable silence between the two relieved boys.

* * *

Alex was fiddling with his juice cartoon, "So what do you do for fun round here Pat?"

Patrick eyes widened. He looked at Alex with sad eyes. 

Alex was nervous. "Was it something I said?"

Patrick shook his head, coughing. "No no.. don't worry. I haven't seen my boyfriend, Pete, in a while that's all. He calls me Pat..." He looked even sadder now.

"Can I still call you Pat?"

The blonde haired guitarist gave the brunette a small smile. "Absolutely, I'd love that," Patrick took a bite of his bagel.

"Well, I usually hang about in the music rooms, eat lunch and FaceTime Pete or the others."

Alex cocked his head.

"Your friends don't go here?" 

"Nah my parents can't stand them  it sucks you know? That's why I do what I do. They yelled at me for ages the other day after kicking Pete, Joe and Andy out because I dyed my hair. But I do have one friend who goes here.."

"Who?" 

Patrick laughed, smiling with the most sincerity in a few weeks.

He reached over and ruffled Alex's hair. Alex was happy that he didn't flinch, giving himself a mental 'pat on the back'.

"You, dummy!"

* * *

 

Alex Gaskarth went home with one more friend than he had had woken up with. He invited him round and Patrick played a couple songs on the piano. 

Alex gave Patrick some sheet music to play "Bohemian Rhapsody" to be specific.

Patrick looked confused. 

"Um.. Alex, dude I can't read this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually playing bohemian rhapsody on the piano myself it's a beautiful piece and I hope Freddie mercury thinks I'm doing an okay job and not destroying it lmao xx


	10. woke up on the wrong side of reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: past suicide attempt 
> 
> Stay safe and alive <3 |-/

Tyler gripped Josh close as they sobbed and cried and begged.

“Josh. Josh. Josh. I've got you I've got you. I promise. Please don't leave me!”

Josh’s blood stained Ty’s hands.

* * *

 

Then Tyler woke up. He woke up screaming and sobbing.

“I didn't save you! I was too late Joshie I'm so fucking sorry!”

Josh woke up to Tyler pleading.  
“LOOK AT ME TYLER. Come back to me please come back. I'm here... you saved me Ty.”

Josh was kissing Tyler’s face and stroking his hair but his love was too far gone. Fingers trembling he dialed Ray’s number - praying the boy would pick up.

“Come on Ray please pick up.”


	11. remember when you and i would make things up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey takes his anger out on Ray
> 
> Mikey founds out about Gerard. 
> 
> Ray does everything and they let him rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: past suicide attempt. 
> 
> All the comments and kudos mean the world to me thank you so much guys <3 hope this is adequate 
> 
> I'm a music geek lol and I've started learning boulevard of broken dreams on my guitar (my child sorry aha) the chords are deceptively easy. Kudos to billie joe for making it look complicated lmao xx

Frank didn't know what to expect. It was worse that he had realised.

* * *

Mikes was screaming at Ray, trembling and shaking his head. The boy was just repeating ‘no’ over and over.

Ray was still, letting the shocked boy shove him against the wall and hit him, Ray took all of it with gritted teeth. Toro didn't care about himself, the kid had no self-preservation. He just needed to know that Mikey, Gee and Frankie were going to be okay.

Mikey stepped away from the curly haired boy in disgust. “I didn't mean it.”

Ray smile sadly and wiped blood from his nose, it stained his hands.

“I know. Mikey, it's okay. You're hurting.”

“For the sake of unicorns Ray, I fuckin beat you up! That's not okay. It's not okay. I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry Mikey… Sorry I didn't tell you.”

Mikey was shaking his head, laughing in disbelief. “You only just found out! It's not your fault.”

Ray wrapped his arms around Mikey and quietly cried.

* * *

 

“It's mine.” Frank walked in and fell onto the worn sofa. Gee was still fast asleep and the boy twirled his boyfriend’s black locks in his fingers.

Gerard woke up after hearing his boyfriend’s voice, heavy with regret and… sadness? Why was Frank sad? “What's going on?” He slurred, looking around the room erratically.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Mikey shouted and rammed into his elder brother’s chest sobbing his eyes out leaving Frank to embrace the saddened guitarist. Ray whispered a small ‘thank you’ into Frank’s ear and Frank just held him closer, keeping his friend strong for all of them. Because Ray saved all of them.

Gerard was apologising over and over and over. “I thought you'd hate me.” He muttered.

“I could never hate you Gerard.”

* * *

Ray’s phone rang, “Sorry I've got to get this.”

About five minutes later the curly haired boy re-entered, shaken-up.  
Gerard looked worried. “What's wrong Toro?”  
Ray shrugged helplessly. “It's Tyler, he won't come back. I'm going to go help. That's okay, right guys?”

* * *

 The other boys realised just how exhausted their friend was and begged Ray to have a nap while they went out to help Josh and Tyler. Ray protested but fell asleep almost instantly.

 


	12. friend please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stop it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: self harm and self hatred. 
> 
> I wrote dallon and I like this chapter tbh.  
> I ship ryden but love b and dall as friends lmao 
> 
> Hope it's adequate loves. Stay alive <3

No one saw the tall boy with dark hair walk into the bathroom.  
No one noticed he didn't come back. No one heard him crying, or so the invisible boy thought.

* * *

Someone heard and that person knocked on the door.  
“You okay in there bud?”

* * *

Dallon wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. “I'm F I N E Brendon seriously.”  
“Liar.” Brendon peeked through the door until Dal reluctantly opened it.  
Dallon Weekes was stubborn as hell.  
“Leave.. please B. Why do you even give a fuck?”  
Dallon had always hated himself, Ryan and B tried to make him know he was something but he was always hurting. Ry and B knew everything.

* * *

 

“Stop it. For god’s sake Weekes I'm your friend I fucking love you dumbass. Gimme the blade now.”

Dallon was trembling but handed Brendon the blade all the same.

Urie flushed it down the loo.  
“Never again. I love you Dal. Come on mate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hum hallelujah came on while I was writing this chapter and I wasn't ready wow <3 :'(


	13. who I killed inside my dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven help us please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Car radio gets more powerful each time wow xx

"Tyler!" Josh was crying.

Gerard ran to the terrified blue haired boy and held him, protectively, in his arms. Stroking his hair and whispering reassurances and promises which he hoped reached Josh through all the Static roaring in his head.

* * *

 

Tyler wanted to be with Josh.

But the shadows and the demons kept screaming that he killed his love. That he was too late.

That it was his fault.

* * *

 

After seconds which passed like hours to the nervous boys gathered in the dark room.

Tyler inhaled and kissed his shaking boyfriend. Josh relaxed into his touch and smiled gently.

Relived.

* * *

 

The Way brothers and Frankie took that as their cue to leave.

They were just as relieved as the smiling blue drummer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay alive 
> 
> Thanks if you're still reading this aha <33 
> 
> (]-|||-  
> (>-|||-


	14. what have i become? i'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he told alex all of it.
> 
> alex saw the bruises. patrick wasn't okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse the cringy star wars reference, sorry.
> 
> tw: abuse
> 
> stay safe guys, all the love and hope <3

The two boys were collapsed on Alex’s bed, laughing and tickling each other. Alex hadn’t had this much fun in forever.

* * *

Patrick was showing the shy boy some photos of him and his friends.

They all went to the local high school while Patrick’s parents forced him to go to the private school.

* * *

Alex’s eyes widened when a photo came up of three brunettes, one playing drums, the other two playing guitar.

“Who’re these guys?” Alex whispered.

“Oh! That’s Jack, Rian and Zack.. by the way, Ri and Zak are totally together, they just refuse to admit it. I mean last week, they came out of Zack’s room looking all hot and flustered, if ya know what I mean?” Patrick laughed cheekily and winked at Alex.

“What’s Jack like?” He asked, trying to take away from the fact that he already loved a boy he hadn’t even met yet.

Patrick nodded knowingly, he was like Yoda. “Don’t worry bro, I can keep a secret.”

Alex blushed. “I don’t mean that-” He was cut off by Patrick running over to his acoustic and fangirling.

* * *

“YOU PLAY BRO?!”  
“Yeah,” Alex replied, fumbling to get his strap. “You can play it if you want.”

Pat’s face lit up and he slowly strummed some chords.

“What’s that?” Alex asked as the blonde began to sing softly under his breath.

“Aw, nothing bud,” He rubbed his neck nervously. “It’s a work in progress. Haven’t been able to work on it.” The blonde frowned and ran his fingers over the strings, closing his eyes.

“Don’t mind me asking, why haven’t you been able to work on it?” 

Patrick shook his head, he smiled sadly. “Parents took away my baby, my beautiful acoustic, after I failed my chemistry test.”  
“What’d you get?”

“75%” The boy looked even more disappointed now.

“Oh my god, Patrick that’s such a good score!” Alex squealed and hugged his friend.

* * *

Patrick was stiff. 

“Not to them,” He sniffled. “That was the first time he hit me you know?”

Alex stopped. “Shit, Patrick no.”

“It’s okay.” Patrick was choking up now.

**_Don’t cry. STOP CRYING What the fuck is wrong with you, YOU FUCKUP YOU TOLD HIM YOU’RE IN FOR IT NOW_ **

* * *

 

“It’s not okay!” Alex yelled, raising his hands up in exasperation.

Patrick backed away in fear, whimpering softly. As he hurried back against the wall, Alex saw a foul bruise developing on his collarbone. How hadn’t he noticed it before?

“Please don’t hurt me.” Patrick cried.

Alex stopped. “Fuck. Fuck, Patrick I’m so sorry.”

* * *

“Patrick dear,” Mrs Gaskarth called up the stairs. “Your parents are here!”

The blonde boy's eyes widened in terror. "I've got to go now Al."

He was crying silently as the brunette wrapped him in his arms. 

"I'll never let them hurt you, I promise. I've got you Patrick. I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was okay. 
> 
> Did you see the vampires will never hurt you reference? It's one of my favourite mcr songs x


	15. can't find my way home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about That Kid, he's fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: abuse, sexual abuse 
> 
> Stay safe and alive <3

The very moment Patrick stepped through his front door, his parents’ masks fell off.

* * *

 

His dad went straight to the fridge and took a swig of vodka, coughing and spluttering in the blonde’s face. Patrick's eyes were tightly closed and he was shaking.

“Oh baby,” his mother slurred. “We're not going to hurt you - but there have to be consequences. You understand that right?”  
Patrick swore under his breath. “Please don't.”

His father laughed.   
“You're no son of mine, you fucking faggot. Were you fucking your little friend. Did you like it?”   
He shook his head urgently, “I told you, we're just friends.”

“Come closer, boy!” His father demanded. The elder man gripped his son’s shoulder and struck him.   
Once. In the cheek. His father was delirious and wouldn't stop.

Patrick was screaming and pleading but no one heard him.   
**_Because no one cares_**

His mother pulled her son towards her. “Go upstairs. I don't want to see you, you piece of shit.” She sneered and squeezed his wrists.

Patrick winced and felt tears pricking at his eyes, yet he obliged.

* * *

 

Mr Stump yanked the door open to his son’s room.   
He threw the report card at his terrified son. “What the fuck is this? 3 B’s???”   
“Sir, I'm so sorry! I tried so hard.” Patrick was crying.   
“Try harder you goddamn idiot,” Patrick’s father was cackling.  
“Oh no, boy, what's this?”

* * *

His dad was holding his beautiful acoustic tightly.   
His friends had all saved up and brought it for him.

* * *

 

Then his father snapped it in half, strings breaking, wood burning as it landed in the fireplace.   
Patrick was at a loss for words.

* * *

He didn't protest as his father beat him the worst he ever had.   
He didn't cry when his dad’s friends came round and laughed as Patrick was shaking on the wooden floorboards, wet with his blood.

And he didn't scream when his dad’s friends touched him.   
He keep saying no but they didn't hear him.

* * *

 

Patrick didn't call Alex that night - he didn't want him to worry. 


	16. I choose defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget him please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: self harm, abuse
> 
> Stay safe  
> Stay alive |-/

Patrick opened his eyes.  
Everything hurt, his entire body was numb with a dull throb.

He didn't eat breakfast, he didn't want to hear his parents’ empty promises, useless apologies.

Especially not after yesterday.

He was so fucking scared and he despised himself even more as he yanked his blazer sleeves over his wrists.

This godforsaken uniform was killing him.

Turning up his friends’ songs he fled to school, desperate to forget last night.

But the proof was still all over his body.

* * *

Pete Wentz woke up in Gerard’s house, the boys looked down on him.

“Something's wrong.” Frank muttered. 

“What is it?” Pete cocked his head. 

“It's Patrick, we haven't heard from him in ages, has he texted you at all?”

Pete rubbed his eyes, shaking his head, he yawned. “No, not since his folks kicked us out.”  
Frank looked nervous.

“You know, Jack, Ri and Zack saw him the other day. They said he looked fucked Pete. Bruises everywhere, scars visible. His hair was all matted, like someone had dragged him or something.”

Wentz was scared now.

"He said he was clean.” 

Mikey laughed sadly.

“You know Urie lives opposite him right?”

Pete nodded.

"Yeah I've seen him round at Pat’s once or twice.”  
Gerard hugged Pete while the other boys looked like they were going to break down. 

“According to B, Pat was screaming last night. It didn't stop. All night. Pete, you have to talk to him!”

The boy with black hair got up and dragged his friends with him.  
“Let's go get my fucking love back.”


	17. i love you in the same way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he needs to hold him close and kiss all the hurt away.
> 
> he always loved him.
> 
> title from hum hallelujah  
> tw: self harm, suicide attempt, abuse, rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay alive 
> 
> Wow! 190 hits may not seem like much but that means so much to me! Thank you all so much xx
> 
> Edit: 300?? Woah! THANK YOU X  
> Another edit: 800??????!!!! Oh my god wow I'm so dun *throws phone Idk where*

Pete dashed to the Stump's house and knocked loudly on the wooden door.

Mr Stump opened the door and glared down at the small boy with dark hair.

"What do you think you're doing here, you faggot?" He spat, his breath stank of alcohol and he saw red on his knuckles. Someone had been hit.

"Where's Patrick? I need to see him!"

The older man laughed and pushed Pete off his doorstep, "Get the fuck off my property, now." 

The Wentz boy shook his head, laughed, and ran upstairs as fast as his legs could carry him.

* * *

Patrick's broken door was before him, and he saw something he would never forget. Men were yanking at the blonde's hair as they thrust in and out of him, Patrick's head was all bloody and his eyes were closed.The intruders were laughing and all took turns.

Then his boyfriend opened his eyes and everything came crashing down. Patrick started screaming and panicking, pleading for the men to "GET THE FUCK OFF ME GET OFF GET OFF! **NO STOP STOP IT STOP IT** " The oak floorboards were soaked with fluid, sweat and tears.

Red was seeping into the floorboards from the boy's head. He tried kicking them off, but they were too strong and pinned him to the floor.

"One last round Ronnie, then we give him what his daddy wants."

The broken boy was still.

They wouldn't stop, even though he was murmuring 'no' constantly through his sore throat.

Pete was virtually catatonic, all he could do was fucking stand there while his boyfriend was being raped.

* * *

He hated himself so much, but not as much when Patrick ran to him, eyes streaming with tears.

"It's all my fault, Petey, I'm sorry I was so goddamn stupid."  
"I should've known, I should've known, goddamn it I'm sorry Pat. I'm so fucking sorry."  
  
The two boys cried, unsure of what they were going to do next.

But all they did know was that they had each other.

Pete kissed Patrick and held his shaking love close to his chest. "Hear that, Patrick?"

Patrick wiped his eyes. "It's your heartbeat."

"Look at me Pat, I'm still here, you saved my life."

"We're all going to save yours, I promise you."

 


	18. i've cried tears you'll never see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex is worried about patrick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, rape aftermath, self harm scars

Alex was seated in class, where on earth was the blond boy who sat next to him?

He didn't even have time to think about how he  _ **didn't matter to anyone, especially not Patrick...**_

* * *

Before he entered the classroom with his head down, avoiding eye contact with all around him.

Alex was nervous, more so than a couple moments before.

"Patrick?" Alex asked, gently putting a hand on the boy's arm.

That was the wrong thing to do, because Patrick flinched, and looked into the other boy's eyes with absolute, utter, terror.

He tried to compose himself, but he kept looking away. "I'm sorry, I didn't call you. Some shit came up."  
It sounded like the excuse was rehearsed,

"Aw, don't worry bud, it's fine. Seriously. Are you alright Pat?"

Patrick winced and laid back, whimpering in pain as he did so.

* * *

"Fucking dandy, my friend. Fucking dandy."  
Alex saw the bruises around his neck, they looked like...

fingermarks. 

"Shit, Patrick, what happened to your neck?" Alex knew he had to be careful, he knew he had to be subtle, but subtlety had never been his speciality.

* * *

 

Who was he kidding for crying out loud? He knew what happened to the blond's neck because he had the same marks, sure they were healed now. But he could still feel them on his throat, wrapping around until he couldn't breathe anymore and was numb from hurt. 

"What happened?" Alex kept his voice soft and low, "You can tell me, I promise I won't judge."

Patrick kept whimpering again and fisting his hands, sticking his sharp nails into his palms. "Ok," Patrick muttered.

"My dad's friends came round last night. They didn't stop. I was screaming no, you know but they didn't stop touching me." He was hastily rubbing at his skin which was red raw already .

Alex closed his eyes, breathing heavily, as he tried so hard to stay in the moment and not dissociate or get sucked into the flashbacks.

"I'm so dirty, Al, so fucking dirty. It won't get off my skin. When I close my eyes, they're always there, laughing and hurting me. It won't stop. Help me make it stop please. Help me Al, I need you so fucking bad."

* * *

Alex Gaskarth blanked out, all the memories rushing back to him and he collapsed to the floor, the last thing he saw was Patrick's scared face before everything disappeared. Before all of it was gone and it was just him and Him, the boy who had hurt him and lied and wouldn't stop.


	19. chaos has come again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't remember
> 
> Tw: suicide attempt, suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe guys.   
> Please don't hate me for this :(
> 
> <3

He didn’t remember. 

He didn’t want to remember.

The brown haired guitarist didn’t remember going home. He didn’t remember getting out his old friend, his blade and washing away all the hurt as it dripped from his wrists. 

He didn’t remember writing one word on an abandoned chord sheet, an unfinished song called ‘Therapy’. 

He didn’t remember writing ‘Sorry’ in his shaking, yet neat hand.

* * *

He didn’t remember his mum coming in to ask how his day was.  
He didn’t remember her screams as she urgently pressed cloths to his wrists to stop the flow of red from her son. To stop her baby boy from dying.

He didn’t remember her begging to stay with him.

He didn’t remember her kissing his forehead and telling her fading son that she loves him, that she always did.

He didn’t remember choking out two words as his mum held him close to her grief-wracked form. “Love you.”

He didn’t remember being dragged into the ambulance, a sobbing, breaking, pleading, Patrick by her side, his mother holding the other boy like he was her own.

He didn’t remember the doctors stitching his wounds.

He didn’t remember. He didn’t remember.

* * *

Alex William Gaskarth woke up in the hospital.  
He woke up with an I.V in his arm and thick bandages coating his forearms.

He woke up with a devastated yet euphoric mother by his side, she kept apologising and saying she loved him.

All Alex could do was cry, **_you’re fucking nothing that’s why._**

“I’m so sorry mum, I’m so sorry.”  
She shook her head and held her son so tightly, he laughed and whimpered a quiet ‘ouch’ in her ear. 

She released her son and his dad enveloped his son in the biggest bear hug, he didn’t want to let go of his little boy, the boy, the kid, his everything.

Mr. Gaskarth had nearly lost the reason he woke up every morning.

* * *

The Gaskarth’s had ran to Patrick, happy-crying.

“He’s awake!” She screamed, hugging Patrick in such a warm, tender way that he burst into tears.

He was crying into his lost friend’s mum’s shoulder, wow.

“Patrick, son,” Mr Gaskarth noticed the sad look on the defeated blond’s face. “You okay up here?” He gently tapped the side of the boy’s head, shocked when dried blood came off on his fingertips.

Alex’s dad looked at Patrick then at the blood on his finger.

**_Shit, you fuckup!!! YOU DIDN’T WASH IT OFF PROPERLY ROUND OF APPLAUSE WELL DONE_ **

Mrs Gaskarth noticed and her face fell almost instantly. 

“Patrick, sweetheart,” She was crying quietly. “Do you want to stay the night?”  
The young boy stopped breathing momentarily.

“Yes please, if it’s no problem that is.” His shoulders rounded.

“You’ve helped Alex so much, kiddo you’re like our son.”

Patrick started crying again and kept saying thank you over and over and over.

“I’ve never been worthy enough to be someone’s son before.” The blond whimpered softly.

“Well who told you that bullshit mate?” Al’s dad cursed.

"My dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has a long road ahead believe me <3


	20. where did i go wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he'll be okay, he promises.
> 
> tw: past self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me xo

Patrick hesitantly entered the room.

Alex looked to his heartbroken friend. “You okay Pat?” He grinned lopsidedly, but his eyes were sad.

“I can leave if you want.” He replied, drumming his fingers on his thigh.

The brown haired boy raised his eyebrows. His eyes welled suddenly and he tried to rip his bandages off. He was crying loudly and whimpering.

Patrick ran to his friend’s bedside and gripped his wrists to stop Alex from hurting himself more. “Stop it.” He ordered softly. 

Defeated, cheeks stained with tears, he slumped and fell into Patrick’s arms.

“Can you just, hold me, please?”

The blond boy nodded and held his friend close. Careful not to let go.

* * *

Pete was stressed out of his mind.    
“WHERE’S PATRICK?” He shouted at Gerard. 

“Mate, please breathe. Ok, Jack just called to say that Pat texted him.”

“Why on earth would he text Jack?”

“Don’t know, that’s not the point. He’s at the hospital.”

Pete froze and lashed out, accidentally slamming his fist into Gee’s chest.

The singer fell back, and was whimpering under his breath.

“WHY THE FUCK IS HE IN HOSPITAL?” Pete screamed at his nervous red-haired friend. 

Gerard was struggling to breathe. “Don’t worry bout me Petey,” He smiled faintly. 

“I’m fine.” Gerard winced as he inhaled.

“Shit, shit, shit, Gee. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Mikey and Frankie ran in after hearing all the commotion. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” Frank yelled.

“You punched my brother?” Mikey was furious and stalked over to Pete, ready to destroy him. 

“Only I can punch him. Motherfucker, are you ready?”

“Mikes, stop. Please. Pete didn’t mean it, okay? He’s just a little bit stressed at the moment.” Gerard begged, exhaling.

“WE ALL ARE! PETE LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ THE THIRD, YOU’RE NOT SOME SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” Frank was still yelling, he was still angry that Pete had punched Gee in the chest and that G was acting like everything was okay.

“Patrick’s in the hospital OKAY?” Pete whispered, all the fight gone from him he fell back onto the worn sofa and cried. 

“What do you mean?”

“Something happened, he needs us to go see him. He said bring everyone.”

“I’ll call B, Ryan and Dall okay?”

“I’ll sort out Josh and Ty, that cool?”

Ray entered, looking flustered, “Come on lads. Let’s go. NOW.”

* * *

Pete ran as fast as he could and burst through the doors. “WHERE THE FUCK IS PATRICK MARTIN STUMP?” He demanded.

A couple stood, they’d been crying and exchanged glances when they heard Patrick’s name. “Do you know Pat?” The woman asked Pete, smiling softly.

Pete nodded warily, “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”

“Do you want me to go get him?”

Wentz furrowed his eyebrows. “Sorry, who are you?”

“Oh, apologies sweetie. I’m Mrs Gaskarth. Patrick is a friend of my son.”

He shook her hand, it was a firm, proper handshake. He smiled gently.

* * *

Alex’s mum came in, “Your boyfriend’s here?” She asked gently.

“My hands are kinda full right now.” Smiling softly, he inclined his head to the exhausted boy draped over his body. 

“Can he come in then? Is that okay?”

Patrick thanked her and grinned. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Pete ran in, looking terrified. “You’re alright? What the fuck?”

He relaxed, almost instantly. 

“Yeah, mate I’m fine. It’s Alex here that’s a little bad at the moment.”

“What happened to him?” Pete reached out to rub the brunette’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch him,” Patrick demanded. “He doesn’t like it.”

Pete backed away, “You okay now Pat?”

His blond boyfriend, smiled earnestly for the first time in ages. “Yeah, I’m doing great actually.”

Pete smiled and gently kissed Patrick. The nervous boyfriend grinned. “That’s really good - what changed?”

“Well, the Gaskarth’s offered me a place to stay for a while.”

“Why?” Pete murmured.

Patrick shook his head, sadly looked up at his boyfriend. 

“You know why, but I’ll be safe now. They can’t get me anymore.”


	21. i (dont) believe in saints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex likes jack, a lot.  
> but he only just met the boy for god's sake! what to do...
> 
> tw: nightmares, self harm (pulling hair)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this is adequate. 
> 
> i know where this is going, but im struggling to write at the moment which is FUN

Alex was running.

His lungs were on fire, lit with fear and terror.

His heart was trying to escape his fragile rib cage.

* * *

The lost boy woke up screaming.

Patrick was instantly out of Pete's embrace and ran to comfort his sobbing, pleading, begging friend who was yanking at his head, muttering under his breath.

"Alex, come back to me mate. Come on."

The young Gaskarth boy tightly shut his eyes. Whispering constantly, "please don't hurt me."

"It's me Al, it's Patrick."

Alex opened his eyes and was instantly blinded by all the brightness of the room, and suffocated by the anxiety radiating from the two boys with him.

"Can I introduce you to someone?"

Pete asked hesitantly, "Pat mentioned you wanted to meet him."

Al gently nodded his head. "Sure." He whispered, tears still flowing.

* * *

Jack felt someone's hand on his arm. "I need you to come help me calm him down."

"Calm who down bud?" Jack chuckled.

"Alex, Alex Gaskarth. He's a good friend of Patrick's."

Bakarat nodded, "Why not?" 

"You didn't have a choice anyway Jacko." Pete replied, grinning.

* * *

Alex saw him the moment he entered. It was that boy, the one he liked. The boy nestled in Patrick's arms blushed, shrugging and looking at Patrick helplessly.

"Hi Alex!" Jack greeted the nervous boy with a massive smile on his face.

"Um...." And all of a sudden Alex William Gaskarth lost the ability to form coherent sentences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay alive and remember you matter <3


	22. (even) when we're ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking up ship names on a daily basis

The gang of misfits, loners, musicians, lovers, friends, were sitting outside Alex’s hospital room.

“Jack’s been in there for a while.” Brendon pointed out as Ryan gently stroked his soft hair.

“He has, hasn’t he..?” Ryan replied softly.

* * *

“Speak of the fucking devil!” Zack shouted as Jack came out the room, flustered, his lips swollen.

“Hey guys.” Jack smiled, properly, not fake like usual.

Rian laughed at his hyped boyfriend, gently pulling him closer, Zack winked and yelled, for everyone to hear. “Did you get some Jacko?”

Jack blushed even more. He was stammering.

"Um-um um.. No, no I didn’t ‘get some’ for- for god-god’s sake Za-Zachary,” he playfully scolded his friend - cheeks still bright red. Jack even did quotation marks when he said ‘get some’.  
“He’s a bit muddled up at the moment, so we just talked; been through some shit, but he’s a lovely kid. You know, the guy was singing under his breath. He’s got a bloody brilliant voice, maybe he could be our singer, if he wants that is, when he gets discharged.”

“Well I’ll be damned, Barakat the flirtatious beast, is stammering - admit it Mister, you’re head over heels for this Alex kid.”

Frank was smiling as he nudged Gerard as Frankie and his red-haired love jumped up and down.

"Fucking shit Gee, guys we have to come up with a ship name!!!”

Mikey was hyped as his swung his arms around Jack and whispered in his ear.

"You deserve happiness, Jacko, you deserve to be loved so much.”

Jack gently hugged Mikey back. He was shocked to find his eyes wet with tears. “Thank you Mikey, you know I love you right?”

“Yeah, yeah bud. I know you do.” Mikey flashed him a rare smile as he started brainstorming.

“Mikey, my bro! You’re the name genius. You’ve got this.” Dallon called out as the boys collapsed onto each other, mad as hatters.

After five minutes of contemplation on his iPad and what felt like years of anticipation Michael James Way finally stood up and squealed in delight.

“I’ve got it!”  
Brendon started screaming.

"Brendon Boyd Urie will you shut up! We’re in a hospital - now is not the time!” Ryan told B off, still laughing.

“Are you ready for this, motherfuckers?”

They all loudly replied (not shouted, may I add because they’re in waiting room at hospital and it’s not the most respectable thing to do).

“Yes Mikes!”

“Jalex. Simple as that. Short, snappy and effective.”

Jack was scarlet now, but shrugged helplessly, instinctively looking to the hurting boy in the hospital bed waving at him. He smiled.

“Kudos to you Way, that’s pretty cool.”


	23. yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt so goddamn real
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, relapse, alcoholism, self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently started listening to ptv and sws. 
> 
> I know I'm late to the party lmao but I'm in love eek wow <3
> 
> How Kellin??? How???  
> Any song recommendations guys?

Gerard Way woke up.

Frank wasn't beside him.

Mikey wasn't making breakfast.

Ray wasn't greeting him and strumming chords as he usually did.

* * *

He opened his eyes and, here he was again. Standing on the bridge.  
He was wide awake, this was no nightmare. Slowly but surely he peeled finger after finger off the cold metal bars behind him.

He was holding onto the bridge with one hand tightly gripped round the barrier.

He deserved to die, he was absolutely sure of that.

_**Waste of space** _

_**Worthless** _

_**You're nothing just die already** _

_**They'd be better off without you, you know** _

_**Jump. Just do it.** _

* * *

And then he woke up screaming and holding onto his boyfriend for dear life.

Frank’s eyes snapped open as he heard the first whimper come from Gee’s shaking body. Then he was screaming and repetitively apologising.

“I'm sorry Frankie, I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm ruining you.”

“What on earth do you mean G?” Frank whispered. “You're the reason I wake up everyday.”

“I should've just jumped. I'm so weak.” He was choking on the words and crying silently, head held in his trembling hands.

Patrick ran out to the two boys and stroked Gee’s hair, smiling sadly at the two.

“You guys okay?” He gave his friends a crooked smile.

“Today bought up some stuff,” Frank mumbled.

"Don't worry Trick, I’ve got this. You go sit with Jack and Gaskarth.”

* * *

Patrick nodded, he didn't tell Frankie that Gerard had started drinking again.

Gee had begged and sobbed when Trick had found him.

Not just with alcohol but a blade also.

Frank kissed Gee’s rough lips and held him tighter then ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3
> 
> Also thanks for reading it means the world to know that people like what I write.  
> Keep creating and living you lovely lot xx


	24. I wanna scream from the top of my lungs (I love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help him 
> 
> Tw: self harm, relapse, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts

Joe was bloody terrified of going to sleep at night, because it was always the same dream.

So he stayed awake, all night.  
Andy’s soft snores kept him anchored every single hellish night, made sure he stayed where he was and didn’t drift off into all the darkness in his head.

* * *

Joe was out cold on the worn leather sofa, his phone was still on, a half-composed message to Pete waiting to be sent.  
His phone buzzed, but Joe was too lost to hear it. 

11:50, Thanks PeTe: Joe buddy, are you okay?

11:51, Thanks PeTe: call me later if you can, I need to talk to you, Andy does too.

* * *

The bottles of alcohol were scattered all over the carpet, Joe’s eyes and cheeks were soaked with tears.

All he wanted to do was wash it away, his stupid brain was telling him to die and it was all so loud, it was too fucking loud.

* * *

Andrew Hurley wandered in, ready to start making lunch when he found his boyfriend collapsed on the couch, smashed glass digging into his skin. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Andy cursed as he tried to clean up the mess. He rarely ever swore but his boyfriend needed him.

Then he saw Joe’s phone and Pete’s texts.

“How did you know, Wentz? How did you figure it out before I did?” 

12:00, 420 Trohman: Pete, it’s Andy. Joe relapsed, there’s too much blood, what do i do? Help me please im so fucking scared

12:00, Thanks PeTe: shit, andy, take him to the emergency room.

"Damn it I love you Trohman!” Andy whispered as he stamped on the accelerator. Roaring down the street to the ER.

* * *

He didn't want anyone to see him breaking down all the way there.


	25. i dont want the world to see me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he wakes up thinking he doesn't matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentioned suicide attempt
> 
> stay safe loves and thanks for reading <3

“Please wake up Joe, please, I need you.” Andy was softly crying, his head in his hands.

He didn’t need anyone to worry, so he hadn’t texted Pete when he had burst in through the double doors screaming that his love was fading away.

It was just Andy and his boyfriend with scar on top of scar on his left forearm.

* * *

Everyone forgot about Andy and Joe, so they stuck together. And while they stuck together, they fell in love.

The drummer pressed a tender kiss to Joe’s lips, his tears falling on his love’s smooth skin.

* * *

He’d made peace with the demons in his head, but they were tricksters.

He fought them off with all his might but they drowned him face down in the ocean.

Joe could feel the hurt and the heaviness drip from each word Andy spoke, he was trying so hard to open his eyes.

All he wanted to do was see his saviour.

And he did.

* * *

Andy rubbed his eyes and looked to his boyfriend, chocolate orbs stared back at him. The tattooed boy squealed in delight, smiling softly.

“Hey And,” Joe croaked, his throat sore. “I’m so fucking sorry, I wasn’t thinking..”

“Don’t you DARE apologise to me Trohman, I should’ve noticed, I’m too wrapped up in myself most of the time these days.”

“Andy, seriously, it’s my fault. It just got so bloody loud you know, and it wouldn’t stop. It hurt so much that I wanted to stop hurting.”

* * *

Joe was whimpering as Andy nestled into his boyfriend’s neck.

“I’m not angry, I just think that you forget how much you matter to me.” 

Andy gave Joe a crooked smile, the bags under his soft blue eyes all the more apparent under the stark, bright lights drenching the two lovers.

“You forget too, too often Hurley. We have to be here for each other, you can’t just clean up all the mess I make every single time. I’m going to look out for you now, I never did and for that I’m eternally sorry.”

“You’re making me cry again Trohman,” Andy laughed, wiping his eyes. “It’s messing with my aesthetic.”

Joe giggled, playfully hitting his boyfriend. “Stop that Hurley, we all know you’re an absolute softie.” He laughed kissing Andy’s cheek tenderly.


	26. we'll find you when the sun goes black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's so scared
> 
> tw: suicide attempt, self hatred, scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter made me really emotional, probably because 'creep' and 'no surprises' (my fave radiohead songs which make me really emotional) were playing as i wrote this. 
> 
> i need a Jack in my life, my parents always look disgusted when they see my scars, it hurts a lot. :(

“Alex!” Mrs Gaskarth skidded excitedly into her son’s hospital room.

“Hey ma, what’s up?”

“You’re discharged! The doctor’s going to come in to take off your bandages right about now.”

Alex’s face fell - “I want them to get off of me, please help me wash them off.” He cried out to his mum.

She ran to her son’s bedside and stroked his hair. “Wash what off kid?”

“The scars,” Alex choked the words out and silently weeped into his mum’s chest as he shook and she held him close. “They make me uglier.”

“You’re a fucking beautiful boy Alex, remember that. Also, the scars, they show that you came out alive and I’m so proud of you for that, we all are,” He kept crying.

“I can feel your heartbeat Al,” His mum whispered. “You’re so strong baby boy, so strong.”

Pete gently rapped on the door, “I’ve just got to go see a couple friends of mine, I’ll be back in about 20, is that cool?”

* * *

Alex nodded, not hearing what Pete said, he was too focused on his forearms.

The bandages were off.

Alex was sobbing his eyes out and trying to break the stitches, his parents were holding his hands, hearts breaking as their son cried and cried and cried.

“I’m ugly, I’m so fucking ugly.”

* * *

Jack had appeared, out of nowhere, he held Alex close and murmured reassurance and kissed his cheek.

“You’re the prettiest and most beautiful boy I know Gaskarth, never forget that.”

* * *

Looking to Alex for permission, he ran his fingers over the scars, “Can you feel me Alex?”

Alex nodded gently, still avoiding eye contact. “Do me a favour, put your hand over your chest.”

Alex Gaskarth obliged. “Can you feel that Al?” Jack whispered, running his fingers through the scared boy’s soft hair.

“It’s my heartbeat,” He cocked his head. “And what exactly does that mean?”

Jack laughed dryly, wiping his eyes and kissing Alex once more.

Alex hadn’t flinched away from touch in a while.

* * *

“It means you’re alive baby boy, it means you’re a fucking beautiful person who let their heart stay beating through thick and thin.”

“What about the- scars?” Alex’s whispered tone was heavy with utter self hatred.

Jack bit his lip, “The scars, my dear, the scars tell a story, a story you choose to wear on your body.”

“What’s my story Bakarat?” Alex looked nervous, his hands were shaking.

Jack didn’t want Alex to be scared. So he grasped his hands in his.

“The scars, they say that you’re alive. They say that even though you went through some bad, awful shit, you’re here and you’re breathing. And that’s all I want from you.”

“I’m so scared, Jack, so fucking scared. What if someone asks about them?”

“Just say, ‘it’s me’,” Jack gave the shaking boy a reassuring smile.

“Don’t be afraid little one, don’t be afraid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're doing okay guys. <3
> 
> dont be afraid, and please stay alive, i know it's hard but i promise you'll be okay my friends
> 
> as of today, I'm 14 days clean, it's not much but i hope you're proud of me.


	27. oh how the mighty fall (in love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im in love with you goddamnit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for everything guys, it means the world to me <3

The Gaskarths had taken Patrick’s parents to trial. 

They were successful. His dad got life for countless offences, each as awful as the next. His mother got 10 years for withholding information and child abuse. 

Now all that was left was for Patrick to have a home.

* * *

Patrick was lying next to Pete, the two wrapped their arms around each other.

“Well, I’ll be damned, Stump. I think I’m in love with you.”

Patrick chuckled dryly. “What’s there to love about me?” He avoided eye contact with his boyfriend. 

Pete’s brows furrowed and he cupped Patrick’s cheek, tenderly not angrily unlike Patrick’s father.

“I love you Patrick Martin Stump. I love the way you laugh, the way you look after your friends, the way you let people in and love so much even if they don’t deserve you. I love everything about you. I love you so goddamn much it kills my ribs and my heart to be next to you when you have no idea how much I give a fuck about you.”

Patrick was crying, his salty tears mixing with the blue-black-purple faded bruises on his boyfriend’s torso. 

“Why me?” He croaked, “Out of everyone on this tiny planet, you chose me. Why?”

Pete held Patrick, running his soft, calloused fingertips over his scars, kissing them one by one. Rustling Trick’s dirty blond hair, he laughed softly, wiping his eyes. “We need to re-dye this Trick.”

Patrick looked at Pete. “You didn’t answer my question: Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz - why did you choose me?”

“I chose you because you saved me from myself, you are my light at the end of my motherfucking dark, terrifying tunnel and for that I owe you my life.”

The blond boy was quiet. “Can I tell you something, please?” He whispered, voice cracking.

“Go ahead.” Pete softly pressed his lips to Patrick’s temple.

“I lo-”

* * *

Alex Gaskarth walked in at the completely wrong time. But the boy literally gave zero fucks, so he didn’t leave. 

“ALEX!!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL MOTHERFUCKING FUCK?” Patrick shouted at his friend.

“Excuse me, Stump - language. Am I interrupting something?” 

“Yes, Gaskarth, leave.” Pete snapped, laughing loudly.

“Um.. No Patrick, I’ve got some news. Finish what you were saying, then I’ll tell you.”

“Gaskarth, mate stop. You really know how to ruin the vibe.” Pete playfully punched Alex’s shoulder.

“So, as I was saying,” Alex coughed loudly, looking up at the two boys innocently. “Pete, I love you.” 

And then Pete Wentz burst into tears and Alex jumped up and down squealing in delight. The two broken boys kissed and hugged and stayed close to one another.

* * *

“Alex, what’s your news?” 

The young boy looked up from his shaking hands, all confidence gone. 

“Umm, if you’re open to it, my parents would be happy for you to stay with us.”

Patrick smiled, brows still furrowed. “For how long?”

“Indefinitely?

* * *

Patrick stump screamed in happiness and yanked Alex in a massive bear hug, crying into the boy’s shoulder. “Thank you, Alex, thank you so goddamn much.”

Alex smiled, looking at Patrick, he swung his arm around the blond boy. 

“We’re brothers now, my parents just need to fill out some papers and get permission from a judge then we’re sorted.”

“Hell fucking yes, my friend.”

* * *

Pete went to Alex and hugged the nervous boy tightly. 

“Thank you Gaskarth.”

“For what Wentz?” Alex rubbed at his eyes, smiling dazedly at his new-found brother.

“For all of it. I love you, hope you know that.”

And Alex Gaskarth burst into tears, the two boys holding the shaking brunette tightly in their arms.


	28. (it makes no difference) i'm insignificant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> andy needs to tell him, so he does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to whoever stuck with me on this mess.
> 
> love you all <3
> 
> to be honest: i really enjoy writing these two, don't know why lmao <3

Andy’s hair was an absolute mess. The bruises under his eyes were getting greyer and darker day by day. 

He’d played drums for hours on end for the past few weeks and his hands were utterly destroyed. 

The doctors’ hadn’t discharged Joe yet and the guy was pissed off about it.

* * *

“Andy, are you okay?” He asked, gripping his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

“I’m fine! Trohman, don’t you worry about me.” Andy urged, but Joe could see right through his little facade. 

The guitarist hastily rubbed his eyes and sighed in defeat. 

“Please don’t lie to me, please, Andy,” Joe’s form was the most vulnerable he had been in a while. “I can’t lose you too.”

“What do you want me to say?” Andy shouted suddenly. 

“Tell me the fucking truth for god’s sake! Please, please, don’t lie to me.”

* * *

“You want the truth, Trohman, I’ll give you the truth: I’ve barely slept at all for the last few months, I have to be careful around you, too careful so you don’t ‘break’. Also, I have to deal with the fact that my boyfriend wants to die and that his parents never cared about him or even want to know where he is. I have to pay the bills for whenever you end up in the goddamn ER, I get into trouble whenever I get to rehearsal and I can’t play because I’ve been unable to practice because you won’t fucking listen to me when I tell you that I love you.”

* * *

Joe was crying, Andy hadn’t seen Joe be this bad in years. 

“I’m sorry, ok? I’m so so so sorry,” Joe flinched away from Andy’s hand, “You don’t have to stay, you know? You can leave if you want.” Joe was a mess.

Andy stopped. “What do you mean?”

“Leave, if I’m really ruining you, then FUCKING LEAVE!!” Joe screamed.

“I didn’t mean it, I just haven’t had the opportunity to talk to anyone in forever,” Andy begged. “Please believe me, I. Didn’t. Mean. It. Joey, I didn’t, I promise you.”

A bitter laugh escaped Joe’s throat. “Are you BLIND Hurley?”

“What do you mean?” The drummer whispered.

Joe rubbed his eyes, voice cracking. “Why didn’t you come to me?”

Andy stopped. “You have enough on your mind right now.”

* * *

Joe inhaled, trying to calm down. “You and I both know that that is bullshit,” He reached out a shaking hand to gently caress his boyfriend’s cheek. “I need to tell you something.”

Andy raised his eyebrows, nervous. “Go, go ahe-ahead.” He stammered.

“Andrew John Hurley,” Joe wiped the drummer’s tears off his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

The two boys embraced each other, making sure they knew that they mattered to each other.

"It'll get better, Joe, I promise you."

"I know, I have you." Joe kissed him.

Joe drifted off, asleep in Andy’s arms as he looked at his boyfriend lovingly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically: andy has a lot of unresolved feelings and he lets all that anger and sadness out on joe, joe forgives him and gets it because the guy's fucking awesome - they tell each other they love each other and that it will get better for them.


	29. (i knew that) the lights of the city were too heavy for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler tries to jump but someone saves him that night
> 
> tw: suicide attempt
> 
> Maybe listen to golden by fob while reading this idk x

The boy was wandering around the streets of New York, blanketed in loneliness.

People walked by him, without giving a second glance to the scared boy with shaking hands and hunched shoulders. 

His sleeves were rolled up, the agony and hurt of the last few years evident on his skin. 

But no one cared. The rain was so heavy that night, and it washed away everything.

* * *

Music blaring in his ears, demos by his friends lifted all the hurt from his nervous form. The boy had small tattoos, if one took the time to look, they would see three thin black lines circling his wrist.

The boy’s name was Tyler and he didn’t plan on going home tonight. His brain screamed one last toxic piece of truth at him.

**_They’re better off without you, you know it’s true_ **

And he swung one leg, then the other over the barrier. So he was holding on only by his clammy hands. 

His phone was still in his pocket, it buzzed incessantly. 

There was so much white noise, so much hurt and badness and darkness flying about like debris from a crash throughout his lost mind.  The rain was growing heavier moment by moment. It’s almost as if it wanted the scarred boy who was nothing to just disappear. He planned to, but his legs wouldn’t listen to his brain, stupid instincts.

* * *

Then one voice cut through all his darkness, all the shadows in his empty brain retreated. 

“Tyler?” 

“What are you doing here?” Tyler whimpered. 

“I would ask you the same thing, but I know - Ty, please get down.”

“Leave me alone! Just let me fucking go!” Tyler sobbed, cursing himself under his breath.

“No.” The other boy replied softly.

“Just let me die for fuck’s sake!” Tyler was wincing with every thought his brain spat at him. 

“I can’t do that, I’m afraid.” He could hear the other boy’s voice cracking.

“WHY THE HELL NOT?” The boy stood over the water yelled.

“Because you matter, Tyler Robert Joseph, please don’t leave us. Please save yourself, you’re so much stronger than you realise.”

“I call bullshit.” Tyler replied sternly.

“Oh fuck it, Tyler, we all love you! We’d be lost without you! You’re so so important, kiddo, please stay? Please?” 

The boy who saved Ty that night burst into tears.

* * *

Tyler nodded wordlessly, reaching out to grab the boy, his saviour, who helped pull him over the barrier. 

“Are you okay?” He asked Gerard.

“Don’t worry bout me, kid,” Gerard gave him a sad smile. “Let’s get you back home.”

“But, didn’t this make you remember?”

“Tyler, please, don’t worry like. I’m fine, seriously. Also, can I tell you something bud?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Tyler whispered, still shaken-up, yet worried about his friend.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

And with that, Tyler started crying into Gerard’s shoulder, holding onto the elder singer for dear life.

“Thank you Gee, thank you.”

“For what Tyler?” Gerard gently chuckled and wiped his friend’s tears away.

“For saving me tonight.” He whimpered, voice muffled by Gerard’s leather jacket.

Gerard Arthur Way shook his head, laughing softly, yet he cried with the boy whom they had come too close to losing.

“Don’t thank me Tyler, you saved yourself.”

* * *

And then the two broken boys went on the train, going back home.

Together and Alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so fucking proud of all of you lovelies <3


	30. (this ain't a room full of suicides) we're believers, i believe tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler tells josh and they talk and laugh and cry.
> 
> tw: suicide attempt, negative/suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, relapse (implied/referenced)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me you lovely lot <3

Gerard held the shaking teenager close. He held his shoulders and ruffled his hair.

“I’ve got you Tyler, ok?”

Tyler nodded, his anxiety still spiking as Josh entered the room.

The sky was still dark, the quiet street softly illuminated by flickering streetlights.

* * *

Josh walked in, a tired smile on his face, thick scars on his forearms covered by Tyler’s Grouplove hoodie.

“Hey G!” Josh grinned brightly. “What are you doing up, Ty, it’s like 2am?”

Tyler opened his mouth as if to tell Josh something, but didn’t. “You okay there Tyler?” Josh whispered, hugging his love close.

“No..” Tyler whimpered, pulling away.

Josh stepped back, hurt. “Is it something I said?” His voice cracked as he wiped his eyes.

“It’s me, Joshie. It’s all me.” Tyler was trying so goddamn hard not to cry.

“What do you mean Ty?” Josh was worried now, but spoke softly, he tried to hold Tyler’s hands but the boy kept backing away.

“Hey Josh,” Gerard asked. “Could you give us a minute, please?”

* * *

Josh nodded, heading out the room, he quietly shut the door.

Sliding down the wooden doorway, he held his head in his hands, cursing and hating everything about himself.  

 **_TYLER HATES YOU_ ** **_  
_****_WHAT A MESS YOU’VE MADE JOSHIE_ ** **_  
_****_YOU FUCKUP_ ** **_  
_****_JUST DIE ALREADY_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_YOU’RE NOTHING AFTER ALL_**

* * *

****He heard Ty and Gerard’s conversation through the door. Their voices were muffled but Tyler was obviously hurting so without a second thought Josh ran in and hugged Tyler, pressing his body to the other boy’s.

“Tell me what’s going on, please Tyler, please,” Josh was soaking Tyler’s already sodden shirt in tears. Wait, why was Tyler’s shirt wet?

“What did you do? Why’s your shirt all ruined?” Josh whispered anxiously.

“Go on Tyler, you have to tell him.” Gerard gently nudged the frozen brunette.

“Josh, my shirt’s wet because I got on the train, to New York,” Tyler’s voice broke and he took a moment to compose himself. “I.. I walked along the bridge, and… I nearly jumped.”

The boy with pink hair fell to his knees, sobbing. “Please tell me this is just some fucked up joke, please tell me that you weren’t going to jump. Please, please. Just lie to me.” Josh was a mess of tears and self hatred, it was all swirling in his head.

“You always tell me to be honest, Joshie.” Tyler gently nudged his boyfriend.

* * *

“I’m so sorry, Tyler, please, I’m so fucking sorry. It’s my goddamn fault, I should’ve noticed, I should’ve known that these stupid UGLY SCARS would’ve hurt you.”

Josh started punching his knee, hard enough that it hurt him, he was crying and scratching at the scars on his wrists. “It’s all my fault, Tyler, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not, Joshie. It isn’t your fault, you have to believe me when I say that.”

“But-”

“There aren’t any buts.” Tyler replied, softly yet forcefully, taking Josh’s hands into his and away from his scars so he couldn’t hurt himself anymore than he had.

“I love you, Josh.”

* * *

Joshua was still crying, hugging Tyler tightly and constantly kissing his love and stroking his face, as if to make sure that he really was still alive.

“I- I could’ve lost you, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, please don’t. I’ve got you Josh, ok?”

“I’ve got you, Tyler, I promise. I always did,” The drummer wiped his eyes and smiled sadly.

“I love you Tyler Robert Joseph, I always have done and always will. Through thick and thin and light and dark, I’ll always love you.”

* * *

And they kissed and held each other, laughing and crying.

Gerard left and headed home, ready to explain why he hadn’t come home to his frantic boyfriend, satisfied that he had helped their little friend tonight, he smiled to himself.

But wow, did he need a drink, he knew Frank had hid his bottles, and he knew how to get to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I broke my 16 day clean streak.... :(
> 
> Sorry for disappointing you guys.   
> Stay alive   
> Stay strong and please keep running |-/


	31. just don't let me disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard comes home. 
> 
> they will carry on together even if it kills them.
> 
> (this chapter comes from the part of life on the murder scene, when gerard is an alcoholic, drunk and says something along the lines of "i'll be fucking fine")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm, relapse, implied suicide attempt, alcoholism
> 
> title from onerepublic's secrets, brilliant band, awesome song <3
> 
> I recommend listening to the song while reading.

Gerard stumbled in through the bedroom door, swaying from side to side, drink tightly clutched in his hand.

* * *

“Hey Frankie,” Gerard slurred. “What are you looking at?” He snapped softly.

“Oh no, Gee, what are you doing?” Frank whimpered, reaching out to stroke his crying boyfriend.

“Don’t touch me!” Gerard whispered, harshly. “Please don’t.”

“What’s going on?” Frank rubbed his eyes, the lamp by their bed flickering in the darkness.

“Tyler was going to jump of that bridge down in New York - I saved him, I saved the little guy!” Gerard laughed, choking on his tears, still crying loudly.

“What were you doing there?” Frank asked, concern laced in his nervous tone.

“Re-filling my prescription,” Gerard smiled crookedly, but he looked so fucking depressed. “I’m fucking FINE Frankie! I’ll be okay. I will be better.”

* * *

The guitarist rubbed his boyfriend’s back softly, “You can’t keep doing this, Gee. You can’t go on like this - if you do, you’ll die.”

Gerard turned around, his sleeves caught on Frankie’s hands and they rode up his forearms - revealing thin, red lines running up his wrists.

“Did it ever occur to you that I want to?!” The terrified boy shouted.

Frank stopped.

* * *

“What the fuck are these Gee? What have you been doing?”

He ran his fingers over the cuts and Gee winced in pain. “That hurts, stop it, stop it.”

Frank backed off nervously. “I stopped Gee, just please, fucking talk to me!” He begged softly.

“I think something’s wrong with me,” Gerard’s voice broke as he tapped his temple with a trembling finger. “I’m trying to fix me? You know, I’ll be better.”

* * *

Frank opened his arms and embraced his breaking boyfriend. “You can’t go on like this Gerard, I- I don’t want to lose you, please stay with me? Please?” Frank was silently weeping, tears leaving stark tracks on his cheeks, softly lit by the flickering bulb beside him.

“I love you Frank Iero, I’m so goddamn sorry for all of this,”

He gestured to the entirety of himself. “I’m an absolute fucking mess, look at me.” He laughed solemnly.

“But you’re here, and you’ll get better, I swear it. Don’t ever say sorry to me, I love you Gerard, I love you so much.” He kissed his love’s lips, they tasted oh, so strongly of alcohol.

But Frankie, in that moment, didn’t care.

All that mattered was that they had each other, and that they were breathing. Even though they knew that the road ahead would be agonising and would hurt them so much..

They would carry on, even if they lost themselves, or even if it killed them in the process, they would carry on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all we can do, isn't it?  
> All we can do is carry on and hold onto whoever loves you for dear life.
> 
> I love you <3


	32. tell me this is just a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard was never okay 
> 
> Tw: self harm scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIKEY IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH 
> 
> just wanted to put that out there lol xx

Mikey’s phone rang.

* * *

The younger Way brother pulled away from his boyfriend, their bodies entwined as they kissed and stroked each other lovingly. 

“Sorry Ray, just gotta get this.”  
Ray whimpered, frowning when Mikey pulled away.

The bassist cooed at his boyfriend. “Stop patronising me Way.” Ray huffed. 

“You're adorable when you're pissed Toro.” Mikey grinned, cheekily ruffling his love’s hair.

* * *

Frank’s voice trickled through the receiver.

"Morning Mikes, sorry if I woke you.” Iero’s tone was thick with sleepiness. 

“Nah, don't worry bro it's fine,” he laughed gently. “What's up?” 

“Do you think that you can get the gang to come round to our place?” 

Mikey cocked his head. “One sec Frankie..”

He mouthed to Ray:

 _Call everyone, get them to head to Gee’s place, ASAP._  
Ray nodded, already texting the other boys. 

“Yep, Iero we’re on it. Ray and I will be at yours in about…. Half an hour, that OK?” 

He could hear Frank pacing. “Please hurry, please.”

Then Frank hung up and Mikey just sat there, anxiety coursing through his veins.

* * *

Mikey gently unlocked the door, Frankie and Gee had given him the spare keys when they moved in.

His hands wouldn't stop shaking as he fumbled with the lock. 

Ray gently took the keys from his terrified boyfriend and unlocked the door, holding Mikey close as they entered the front room.

* * *

Gerard was crying, eyeliner staining his cheeks, sleeves rolled up, scars glaring at all the boys in the sunny room.

Frank spoke first. “So, I guess you're all wondering why you're here.”

Gerard was whimpering, his fingers shaking as Frank gripped his hand. Gee released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding in. 

Alex gently asked, careful not the hurt the anxious red head. 

“Gerard, are you alright?”

The elder Way urgently shook his head, sobbing and rubbing his eyes. 

“No, I'm not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sappy bastard so...  
> Thank you so much for sticking with me (an absolute mess) and with this story. 
> 
> We're nowhere near finished believe me.  
> Stay safe and (to quote Gerard) don't take anyone's fucking shit!  
> Love you all <33
> 
> ((Still in shock that Jishwa has a Party Poison jacket wow aw <3))


	33. you made me feel as though i was enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was always him.
> 
> gee is frankie's everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me so happy <3

Glass bottle after glass bottle fell from Frank Iero’s shaking hands into the wheelie bin in front of their house. 

The bottles smashed into pieces. 

Dark green, black, pale shards of glass glittered menacingly in the soft moonlight.

Muttering under his breath, he closed the lid. 

The cold night air nipped at Frank’s bare arms, the artwork on his biceps and forearms swirling with every movement.

* * *

Gerard huddled into his boyfriend’s arms, shaking from the thin layer of snow on his body. “I’m so sorry, Frankie, so sorry.” His tears were frozen on his cheeks.

A snowflake settled on Frank’s nose and Gerard playfully wiped it away. 

“I know you are, Gerard, I know. But… let’s not worry about that right now…”

Gee cocked his head, biting his lip. “Why not?” he whispered.

Frank kissed Gerard’s lips softly. “Happy Christmas Eve!” 

The red haired boy smiled, “Merry Christmas Eve, Frankie Iero, Merry Christmas!”

* * *

“Let’s go inside, it’s fucking freezing.” Frank and Gerard couldn’t stop smiling as they held each other, fingers entwined, side by side.    
Together and Alive. 

“Frank,” Gerard called out. “We didn’t buy anything for anyone though.”

“It’s sorted. Gee, don’t you worry.” Frank ruffled Gerard’s soft red hair, the colour was fading into a baby pink. He kissed him again, stroking his stubbly face tenderly.

* * *

Gerard was grinning softly at a photograph of him and Frankie, it was them kissing when they went to the UK with Ray and Mikey.

It had been a good day, Frank spilt tea of his shirt so had to borrow Ray’s Mickey Mouse shirt, it was way too big for him. The 5-foot guitarist had been drowning in the t-shirt. 

They playfully gave him shit all day.

When they got to Buckingham Palace, it was late at night and the lamps outside had been flickering, the cold London air making the two boys hold each other tightly, trying to stay warm in the winter. 

Then Gerard kissed Frankie, their bodies illuminated softly by the lights, perfectly together and in love. 

Then Ray’s camera clicked.

* * *

Frank was rather nervous, rather being an understatement. 

“I got you an early Christmas present, Gee!” Frank giggled, blushing.

“Yay! What is it?” Gerard was ecstatic. 

“Close your eyes.” The guitarist softly replied, fumbling with something in his pockets, heart racing.

* * *

“You can open your eyes now.” Frank called out.

Gerard slowly opened his eyes.

He didn’t expect what he saw.

* * *

Frank was kneeling down on one knee, an open velvet box in his trembling, tattooed, hands. In the box was a shining, simple, silver band.

Gerard felt tears on his cheeks. 

Frank was trying to compose himself, subsequently failing.

* * *

“Gerard Arthur Way, will you marry me?” Frankie’s voice broke at the end of the question.

Gerard wasn’t saying anything, Frank was panicking, heart destroying his fragile rib cage. 

“Yes,” He whispered softly. “It was always going to be you anyway.” He smiled, tears still staining his pale face.

The two lovers kissed and held each other as they both shook, with love and with tears of happiness. 

“I love you so much, beautiful, you make my heart go wild.” Gerard added softly, running his fingers through Frank’s dark hair. 

Frank was speechless. 

He just choked out a small ‘thank you’ before crying again. 

“I love you too, I love you so fucking much Gerard Way, you have no idea," he whimpered, kissing Gerard over and over before crying softly. 

"You're my everything.”


	34. there's a burning in my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick tells his brother he loves him. 
> 
> They stay till the sun rises 
> 
> Tw: implied/past sexual assault. 
> 
> Stay safe loves <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "the world is ugly" by my chemical romance. But it's the demo/live version from like 2008 I think. 
> 
> I've watched this particular performance at least 10?? Times today and it makes me so emotional wtf. It's absolutely BEAUTIFUL and I highly recommend listening to it. 
> 
> God dammnit I love them. <33

Alex thrashed about his bed, nightmares clinging to his shaking form as he whimpered softly. 

“Please no, no no, no, please don’t do this, please no, please don’t.” He was whispering under his breath constantly.

* * *

Everything was black, His fingers were pressing all over Alex, the lost boy’s pleas were shamelessly ignored.  
Alex was terrified and They kept yanking his thighs and bleeding wrists to hurt him even more.

"NO! PLEASE GOD NO!”

Alex was screaming, but no sound was coming out.  
It all felt so goddamn real.

* * *

Trick’s eyes had opened the moment he heard Alex’s soft pleas.  
He fumbled around desperately for the light switch.  
The lamp in between the twin beds flickered on, brightly gleaming in the darkness.

* * *

Patrick stood up on tired legs and sat softly down beside his brother.

The blond embraced the terrified kid. “Ssh, Alex, sshhh, you’re safe now. Ssshhh, I’ve got you.” He gently shushed and soothed the crying boy, rocking him in his arms. 

Alex sleepily opened his eyes. “Trick?” Alex murmured.

“Hey Al, you alright?” Patrick replied; the moon covering the boys in a soft silver light as it cut through the blinds on their windows.

“Thank you.” He hugged his brother tightly.

“For what?” He asked, incredulously.

“Saving me.” 

Patrick laughed and shook his head, “You saved your-”

Alex put a sweaty hand over his brother’s mouth, laughing quietly.

“Don’t. You saved me. Give yourself credit!” 

“I… You’re welcome, Gaskarth.”

“Can you stay with me? Please?”  
Patrick was shocked to find himself crying.

* * *

“Wow, Gaskarth, you make me such a mess,” He grinned, holding his brother to his chest. “But I love you bro.”

* * *

They both sobbed in the night-time. Alex was holding onto Patrick for dear life.  
Patrick was just happy that someone other than his boyfriend, his saviour, loved him. 

“But, but, Trick, I don’t matter, I’m insignificant,” The words hurt to hear, but Patrick kissed his brother’s forehead softly. “Why would you stay? Why?”

“Alex Gaskarth, you listen to me. You are anything but insignificant kiddo, you light up my life, you light up Jack’s life. You make everyone’s day a little happier because you shine so much and so passionately. You matter to all of us do you know why that is?” 

Alex sadly shook his head.

"You matter because we love you. Ok?”

* * *

And Patrick held his brother until the sun rose and kept the little boy safe and alive.

And Alex and Patrick talked all night, about everything and nothing.

And the brothers hugged each other. 

And were happy that they stayed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for sticking with me.  
> Expect more Ryden and Brendon/Dallon because I realised I've kind of neglected them. Sorry!! 
> 
> Long story short: this is possibly one of the most personal things I have ever written and its literally my favourite piece I've ever done. It mean so much to me that people LIKE MY WRITING?? 
> 
> Thnks fr th cmmnts nd kds you lovely lot <3  
> Stay alive |-/  
> Also, I've got my first therapy session next week. I'm very nervous and have been freaking out a lot over the last few days I'm scared don't know why. Any tips idk?? Xx
> 
> Also this thing I randomly wrote at like 12am a couple weeks ago is nearly at 400 hits wtf??? <3


	35. until the light goes out on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is just sitting at the bar when some perv ruins it for him
> 
> Tw: (threatened?) sexual assault, groping
> 
> Title from electric century's: Until the Light goes out on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this happened months ago, it's hard to forget when the kid in your class threatened you with rape.  
> Except this *happened* at school.  
> Ugh. Makes me angry (and kinda ashamed) just thinking about it. 
> 
> Don't worry bout me though, it's sorted. I'm fine xx
> 
> On a happier note, I love Ray Toro lol he's such a good guitarist, him and Frankie are my idols guitar wise <33

Gerard Arthur Way got clean and sober in 17 days.  
On the 18th day Frankie and the boys threw Gerard a surprise party. Even though they know that he isn't a big fan of surprises.

* * *

The red haired boy was seated a the bar, swinging his legs as he sipped a lemonade. He hadn't felt this…. Good.. in absolutely forever.

* * *

Then some stranger decided to ruin it by whispering scary words into the boy’s ear. He whimpered a quiet ‘no thank you, I'm engaged’ and backed away from the bar, sliding a ten to the bartender who smiled gently. 

The stranger then groped him, pulling the scared boy towards him. 

“I hope you get fucking raped.” He spat, voice venomous. 

Gerard protested, trying not to cry, he was frozen. “Please don't touch me, please don't.” 

Little did he know that his brother was out with Ray before they headed to the party. Mikey was watching intently, nudging his boyfriend anxiously. Ray looked over at the commotion.  
He could see a tearful, struggling Gee.

* * *

And then all of a sudden, the creep was on the floor, nose bloody, glaring at Ray with absolute fury. “How dare you punch me?” The stranger shouted drunkenly. 

Ray laughed loudly before yanking the guy towards him by the collar. 

“Ever mess with my family again, my friend, I will destroy you.” Ray nodded, gesturing theatrically to the exit. 

The stranger shrugged in disgust and left. Left in a hurry that is.

* * *

“Gerard, you ok?” Ray whispered, smiling sadly as Mikes embraced his shaken brother.

Gerard nodded, wiping his eyes. “I'll be fine,” Gerard grinned softly. “Thanks for beating up that guy, Toro.”

Ray laughed. “Anytime G, hit me up if someone ever gives you shit ok?” 

Mikey smiled gratefully at his boyfriend, lightly kissing his cheek. 

“Come on Geebear, let's get you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short, I had the week off for school holidays and go back on Monday. (Who's ready for mental breakdowns and numbing self hatred and low self esteem??) Welcome back :(
> 
> Kind of having a hard time at the moment and I'm a bit lost with this story, so remember as tagged, this will be unreliablely updated yay. 
> 
> Love you all <33


	36. would you stay, right here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they tell them.
> 
> title from someone out there loves you by my chemical romance aka. untitled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you all <3
> 
> sorry it's short, hope it's alright guys

Frank and Gerard’s house was covered in bright, sparkling, Christmas lights that lit up the entire street. A Santa was in his sleigh on their roof and the trees in their front yard were decorated with fairy lights. 

Gerard, Mikey and Ray quietly entered the home. Ray was so excited that Mikey kissed him to shut him up. “Ssshhh!” He giggled, smiling in the darkness. “You’ll ruin the surprise.” He elbowed Ray in the ribs as the curly haired boy laughed quietly. 

Gerard cocked his head, “What are you talking about?” His brow was furrowed, baby pink hair hanging over his face. He smiled nervously.

“Nothing!” Mikey and Ray chorused, still smiling. Thank God that Gerard couldn’t see them.

* * *

Gerard was confused, Mikey and Ray kept giggling, the couple were absolutely adorable but WHY were they laughing?

Then he pressed the light switch. 

“SURPRISE!” Frank screamed. 

Gerard smiled, that kind of smile that you only see when someone is absolutely, adorably at their happiest. He was frozen. “Hey guys.” He grinned, Gerard had always been slightly awkward.

“Oh, yes!” Frank nodded, to himself and G. “Come over here Gee, will you?” 

Gerard wandered over to Frank, whispering a soft thank you before Frank held him close to his beating heart.

* * *

Gerard looked to Frankie, he was so in love, it was the cutest thing. 

“We have an announcement to make!” Frank cheered.

The rest of the boys all stopped whatever it was they were doing. Alex and Jack let the cake they were sharing fall from their mouths. “Aw, that was some fucking good cake!” Jack cursed loudly.

They all laughed before looking back to the two nervous boys.

“Um…” Gerard muttered.

* * *

“We’re engaged!” Frank grinned. 

There was silence for a second, but it felt like centuries of waiting.

But then the room erupted with noise, cheers, screams of delight, people saying ‘I told you so’. It was brilliant. 

Mikey went to Frank and smiled at his new brother. “

Hurt G, and there’ll be problems. Do you get that?” 

Frank nodded, smiling gratefully at the younger Way boy. 

“I’ll never hurt him, Mikey, never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay alive you beautiful, important people please xx


	37. wherever i go, trouble seems to follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick and Alex call in apparently sick. 
> 
> Joe and Andy remember 
> 
> Tw: past suicide attempt, past self harm, alcoholism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the whole changing point of views? is annoying lol. 
> 
> Just wanted to go into more detail bout Andy and Joe

Alex and Patrick got their parents to call them in ‘sick’.   
You see, the brilliant thing about the Gaskarths is that they were so patient with the boys’ healing process and recovery that they got that school wasn't the best place for them.   
They only called in ‘sick’ every few weeks.

* * *

Getting better for Trick and Alex usually consisted of going to cinemas, dressed in fancy, extravagant disguises. Hand in hand with their boyfriends. 

A while ago, the new Star Wars film came out and the boys ran into Andy and Joe. Who were actually there to SEE the film, not make out in the empty theatre.

* * *

But that had been the same day, unbeknownst to the others that Joe had tried to leave. For the first time. 

He had attempted one too many times, the Hurleys had even considered checking Joe into a hospital. But Joe and Andy promised they would try, so, in a desperate bid to prove their promise they set up a little trailer in the Hurleys’ backyard.   
His parents were undoubtedly away, too gone to even care for the curly haired, nervous boy.

So Joe slept on Andy’s sofa for months on end, up until the morning Mr Hurley had gone to wake his son up and found them attached to each other at the lips. 

Mrs Hurley had called that they would get together, Andy remembered blushing as Joe came into the kitchen shirtless, tattoos swirling as he dug into his cereal, laughing loudly at the drummer’s reaction.

* * *

Then when Joe ended up in the ER for the third time that year, with only a heartbroken, sleep-deprived, terrified Andy beside him, he renewed his promise to get better.

He knew he couldn't afford to keep the only people he loved on edge whenever he bought some beer home or fell through the door at 3am, too far gone to even feel Andy’s hands on his face.   
He didn't deserve Andy and his family, but they welcomed him into their home, put up with all his bullshit and loved him like he was their own. 

Joe had never really been loved by someone, so when he woke up in the Emergency Room for the third time and screamed and cried and pleaded to his nervous boyfriend, he knew things had to change. 

Joe was clean and sober. 3 months clean from self harm. G had helped Joe stay away from the alcohol, taking the same approach to Joe’s sobriety as he had his own.

* * *

For Andy and Joe, the only downside of going to the local movie theatre was their best friends obnoxiously making out right behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: so this about Joe's multiple attempts, the third and final one was written with the same time Alex attempted, remember Pete left Trick and Alex right, he went to see Joe and Andy, that was implied, it did happen but was never written. This was just to clear up any possible confusion, if you're not confused lol, don't worry xx


	38. let this world... explode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they all laughed at him, the words stung, wow, they stung.
> 
> tw: implied self-harm, bullying, violence (being punched, kicked), negative/intrusive/BAD thoughts, verbal/emotional bullying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter. 
> 
> Love to you all <3
> 
> ALSO WE'RE NEARLY AT 500 HITS WTF????!!!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH BLOODY HELL IM SO HAPPY <33

Pete stormed out the classroom furious, crying angry tears. He tried to wipe his eyes before anyone could see him, but he was too late. Ryan and Brendon ran over, concern etched on their faces.

“Pete, you okay?”

“I’m fine, you should be looking for Dallon, not looking after me.” His voice cracked and he fell into Ryan’s arms, the guitarist embraced his sobbing friend.

“What about Dall?” Brendon asked, anxious.

“Some prick in class said he’s an attention seeker.” Pete was nervous now, but he was still pissed off.

* * *

He had never seen Dallon look so bad before, the boy had fell over on the way to class and everyone had seen his arms. The arms he tried so hard to hide from everyone.

Then they all laughed at him. That was the worse part about it.

* * *

Dallon was bullied constantly by the other kids, he would come up to his friends with cuts and bruises all over him. But, he was too kind for his own good. People took advantage of him.

They’d ask him to come around to help them out with work but all they did was torment him as Dallon sat down hastily writing, his tears staining the paper like his blood did the tiled floor when they hurt him.

They told him, just like his mind did, that **_he was fucking nothing_** , that _**he was insignificant**_.

The worst thing was, that the Weekes’ didn’t seem to even care.

Dallon’s mum cared, so much, she would break down whenever her baby came home silent and ruined. She always asked him who was hurting him, but Dallon couldn’t tell them. Otherwise it would get so much, so much worse.

Dallon would go home, almost everyday, an absolute mess. Ryan and Brendon stood by the friend all day but there was only so much they could do. Dallon was in different classes from everyone else, luckily Josh and him were together at least 5 times a week.

They were in the same Music class, luckily. Their music teacher, Mr Hoppus was awesome. He had an old bass in his office so lent it to Dallon every lesson, and because Josh was teaching himself drums, they just played together in one of old practice rooms. The room with the “BEST acoustics, boys!” according to their teacher.

* * *

Brendon and Ryan followed Pete down the corridor, whimpering fearfully as they scanned the corridors for their friend.

Then they heard it, the screaming.

* * *

The kicking didn’t stop, the words wouldn’t stop hurting.

“Why aren’t you fighting back, you weak piece of shit?” One of the boys snapped.

Dallon stayed quiet, numb to the blood staining the floor beneath him. Numb to the pain and hurt and fear coursing through every atom in his shaking body.

“Stop it, please.” Dallon regretted the words the moment they fell from his red lips.

“Would ya look at it?” Another faceless boy reached down and harshly grabbed Dallon’s chin. “The freak said something!” He grinned, nastily before letting the boy’s head fall to the hard floor.

* * *

Dallon didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did.

There was a darkness creeping around his vision, he didn’t like it, not one bit.

His head hurt, it felt like… it felt like someone was stabbing tiny blades into his skull.

The bassist was trying to scream, for someone, anyone to hear him.

* * *

He saw Ryan, Pete and Brendon run in, the door slamming against the wall.

He saw his friends tears on their faces, the fear in their eyes as they hugged him.

They held him so hard, his rib cage throbbed.

Not that Dallon noticed, or even cared.

* * *

The bullies were right, he was insignificant, he knew he was, it was just so much worse to hear someone tell him the truth.

He waved helplessly to his friends, the cowards who beat him had ran off (not before turning the shower Dallon was underneath on in the process).

The water soaked his clothes, the bright red swirling down the drain as he lay there.

Perfectly still.

He lay there perfectly still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Dallon Weekes is having an awesome day, he's so cool <3  
> Also.. it's Frank's birthday tomorrow yas! Happy Early Birthday Frank Iero! You're such an inspiration to me, musically and you're awesome, thanks for making me happy lol :) <3 
> 
> (I don't really 'do' halloween, idk why. there's this party my class are having, but I wasn't invited, meh. They all ignore me anyways, I'm not bothered)
> 
> Me, I'll just watch Stranger Things while my dogs bark all evening. It's going to be F U N (ugh they're so loud wow)
> 
> Do you guys have anything planned?? lol xx


	39. the world is ugly (but you're beautiful to me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll wait forever ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all. 
> 
> Stay strong and stay alive <3 <3

It was just so fucked up, you know? The kids were always getting hurt, so trips to the Emergency Room were just as common, as a trip to your local café.

Alex and Patrick had been called out of school by a terrified, sobbing Jack, the happiness had left the guitarist only minutes before.

Then Pete called him, and he fell down again.

* * *

Jack sped to the hospital, a frozen Patrick in the backseat, Alex holding his brother close.

“He’ll be ok, right?” Patrick whimpered. 

Jack looked to his friend in the mirror, “I’m sure he will, Trick, Dall is one of the strongest kid’s we know. He was getting hurt everyday.. It’s my fault!” Jack suddenly shouted, slamming his fist on the steering wheel in a haze of self hatred.

“Don’t you fucking dare blame yourself,” Patrick cursed. “Dallon, he didn’t tell us who it was because he was so scared, we weren’t to know, Jack, none of us were to know just how Bad it got.”

"But..” Jack tried. 

“It’s not our fault. It’s the fuckers who messed with Dall, it’s their fault,” Patrick finished. “Case closed Barakat, please.”

Jack smiled sadly. “Sorry Trick, it just… Makes me so angry.” 

Patrick shrugged, gently smiling. “I know.”

* * *

The moment Mikey put the phone back, everything was silent. 

Dallon Weekes, their brilliant, kind friend wasn't awake.  
And with that realisation, they rammed themselves into G’s small car and sped off down the empty highway, on the way to their brothers.

* * *

The machine by Dallon’s bed was beeping steadily. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, the nurses had shaved his head while attempting to stop the bleeding. 

Thank god they were successful. 

Brendon laughed, tears soaking Ryan’s checkered shirt.

“He's going to be so pissed when he finds out they shaved his hair.” Brendon whispered, voice croaky from crying. 

Ryan smiled at Brendon, nodding as he quietly chuckled. "He will, won't he?"

Ryan gently kissed Dallon's temple.

“Take as long as you need buddy. We’ll wait forever if we have to.”


	40. are you happy now? (that you got what you came for)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack wasn't meant to know. 
> 
> Tw: homophobia, abuse, mentions of blood
> 
> (Title from the world is ugly by mcr, live/demo version.  
> It's remarkable you really should listen to it, I urge you lol xxx)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys :(
> 
> Silly me forgot I had like 3 assignments due in tomorrow after being out all evening for my guitar lesson it was awesome af because one of the guys was messing bout with this electric and I played him Helena ok and he just started playing. 
> 
> I had to take a step back lmao <33
> 
> Sorry for all the references in this wow me xx

“Where’s Zack?” Rian ran in, a heavydirty breathing Josh Dun beside him.

“What do you mean, where’s Zack?” Tyler called out, rushing instantly to his sweaty boyfriend.

“He isn’t with you?” Jack called out from down the corridor, running as he carried Alex over to the boys in a bridal carry, Alex was laughing as he blushed scarlet.

“No, he isn’t,” Rian whispered, he ran his hands through his hair.  
“Didn’t he get the text? Shit, he might be asleep or something, I’ll pop round to his place and we’ll be back in about 15 minutes ok?” Zack said to no one in particular as he hurried ran from the building.

The boys all exchanged nervous glances before heading into Dallon’s hospital room,  
Ryan and Brendon needed to sleep, but they didn’t want to, in case Dall woke up.

They knew he would wake up, I mean, he had to.

* * *

Rian Dawson gently knocked on the door to the Merrick’s house.

He opened the letterbox and shouted through it. “Mrs Merrick, it’s Rian, can you come let me in? Please, it’s chucking it down out here!” Rian tried, unsuccessfully, to use his jacket as an umbrella. His jacket was now ruined. Fun times.

That was his favourite jacket. Oh well, it’s an excuse to go shopping after all.

No reply.

“Mrs Merrick?”

Then he heard crying, loud, hurting, crying.

“Zack?” Rian shouted, “Open the door, open the goddamn door!”

* * *

How was Zachary to know that his parents were homophobic?

How was he to know that when he randomly, casually said “Oh, by the way, Rian, you know him, my boyfriend, is coming to pick me up in about 5. That cool with you guys?” his dad would hit him for the first time?

How was he to know that the moment he said that, his vision would go black and he would wake up in a pool of tears only 10 minutes later?  
“You are NOT my son!” How was he to know that his dad would spit 5 words that hurt, worse then anything he had ever felt before.

How was he to know that his mum didn’t give a fuck, she just sat there as Zack’s dad beat the hell out of him?

How was he meant to know that his sister didn’t want to talk to him anymore, all because he was gay?

How was his supposed to know that Dallon was hurting and in hospital and that Rian was waiting for him when all Zack was doing was crying and bleeding on the wooden floor in his bedroom?

* * *

“Zack, please, open up!” Rian begged, he was crying. The rain showed no signs of ceasing as it battered the anxiety ridden drummer.

“Go away,” Zack replied, weakly. “Please, just leave me alone.” Zack’s voice was so.. Empty. This was not the boy he loved, something had happened.

“Zacky, what happened?” Rian whispered through the letterbox.

“My parents happened Ri,” Zack whimpered, disgusted at himself. “They’re homophobic as fuck. My dad’s right, isn’t he, that I should just die? He’s right, he’s right, he’s right.”

Rian stopped. “Zack, babe, he’s so fucking wrong. You’re beautiful baby. Please stay, I don’t know what I’d do without you… Please, just open the door.” Rian tried one last time, choking on the words as tears spilled from his eyes.

* * *

Zack opened the door.

Rian kissed Zack, gently but passionately on the boy's bloody lip.

Then, they went to be with their friends.

Not worrying about tomorrow, because they had each other.  
That was all they needed after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all, hope this is adequate lmao xx
> 
> Comments/kudos mean the world and help boost my non existent self esteem.. 
> 
> Also go check out my fren whatledtothis, awesome writer, lovely person!! (Love you loads my friend xo) <33


	41. you're in ruins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> patrick just wants to go home
> 
> tw: anxiety, nervous tics, crying, implied/past physical abuse
> 
> this is based on today's events.
> 
> ALSO.. patrick's surname is now Gaskarth, because they adopted him, also i wanted him to (hopefully) leave all the shit behind him (there will be angst in the future) and he needs a family :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit got real today AGH
> 
> i am trick in this chapter   
> I'm an absolute wreck at the moment hope you're all doing alright <3 <3  
> left school early because i was having a breakdown, opening up to my teacher (she's the BEST) made me realise stuff. it was fun, not. i'm blessed, she lets me sit with her at lunch three times a week, she just lets me talk about everything going up in my head at the moment.  
> the deputy head actually gave me this book of inspirational women, it looked awesome!! but i couldn't read it, because i was like, crying.
> 
> thanks for staying with me!! not leaving like everyone else does at some point :( <3 <3

Dallon’s parents never visited their lost boy. 

Mrs Weekes tried to, many times. But Dallon’s father walked her away. He told his wife that their kid deserved everything that happened to him. Mr Weekes had always despised his son. He didn’t have a plausible answer to as why he did, it was just a fact. 

That’s why Dallon would come to school with the occasional black eye or limp.

His mother was powerless, she was too scared to leave her husband, so Dallon took the blunt, took the blame, for everything. 

He would fall down stairs, faint in corridors, wince when someone even talked loudly at him, shy away from touch, live inside his head. He knew his friends loved him, he only let them come near him, because he knew they wouldn’t hurt him. 

But he wasn’t ready to see them again, not yet. 

He’d see them soon, the boy was sure of it.

* * *

Patrick was slouched in the chair, Miss Cooper sat opposite him. 

Head in his hands, urgently clicking his fingers, wringing his hands, slowly eating his sandwich, moving his book absently mindedly about on the table. Muttering about he was fucked up as hell.

“Are you okay Patrick?” She asked softly. 

He’d started clicking his fingers ever since the anxiety got so much worse. 

He shook his head, and painfully, while hastily clicking his fingers, told her everything. 

Well, not that he craved death, that was for his therapist. He had his first appointment tomorrow, damn was he scared.

* * *

He told her about the all-consuming loneliness, that all his ‘friends’ (other than Alex) just fucking leave him, stop talking to him. About how he sits alone, walks alone, is just generally really bloody lonely at school. Told her about the stress everything caused him, the anxiety that was always there. 

About how there’s something wrong with him, he’s a weirdo, that doesn’t even belong anywhere. 

About how he doesn’t belong with the other kids who aren’t ‘normal’, whatever normal is. He told her about how they looked at him weirdly whenever he sat with them at lunch, how they always moved from sitting next to him in the library.

About he was really withdrawn and didn’t really talk to anyone anymore. About how he was living in a permanent state of sleep-deprivation but still putting on a show, putting on a mask that he was alright. A mask that fell off when he sat with his English teacher at lunch 3 times a week. 

“Can I have a hug?” Patrick choked on the words.

“Sure, kid.” Miss Cooper hugged the boy warmly, tightly.

She knew Gaskarth needed a good hug.

* * *

He told her everything not before bursting into tears, cursing himself and apologising for wasting her time. 

He wouldn’t stop crying. “Sorry, Miss, I… I haven’t cried in months.”

That was true, he hadn’t cried, not since Dallon had fallen into a coma. Weekes still wasn’t awake, it’d been four months.

“I’m a nervous, emotional wreck at the moment.” He laughed bitterly.

“It’s okay, I find it’s cathartic to cry,” His teacher smiled sadly. The bell rang. “We’ve got to finish up now, kiddo. I’ll write you a note.” She said as she began writing on a slip of paper.

Patrick started crying again, he wasn’t showing any signs of stopping. “I’m sorry for annoying you, Miss.” He whimpered.

“Patrick Gaskarth! You could never annoy me!” She sounded horrified at the thought of the boy irritating her. 

He was still crying, rubbing his eyes, face down in his grey scarf. Constantly apologising and cursing himself.

“I just feel so suffocated, Miss, I’m trapped.”

Miss Cooper looked up at him. “Are you okay?” She asked again, sincere.

* * *

“I.. I just wanna go home!” Patrick whimpered loudly, sobbing even more. “I don’t want to be here, I just want to go home!” 

She nodded. “You stay here. I’m going to get Mrs Westfall.” She hurried to get another teacher. 

Mrs Westfall walked in, crouching down by the crying boy, she whispered. “Come on, let’s go to my office, Miss Cooper is just going to call home, ok?” 

As he wandered in, the deputy head handed him a book of inspirational women, “Have a flick through it, they’re remarkable.” 

Patrick smiled gratefully, rubbing his eyes and clicking his fingers.

Miss Cooper was talking to his dad “Hi Mr Gaskarth,” she chirped, smiling.

They talked for ages. Patrick was just sitting there, he got up and paced a bit, but was still madly anxious.

She put Trick on the phone.

* * *

“Hi kiddo.”

“Hey dad, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise to me, you can come home if you need to ok?”

“But I’m sorry!” He replied loudly, looking disappointed in himself.

“Come home, kiddo. Ok? But this can’t be a regular thing, can’t have my kid bunking off school!” He was fake-irritated.

“What the hell?” Patrick was shocked, “I’m not bunking off, oh my god!”

“I’m jOKING!” Mr Gaskarth grinned down the line. “Put me back onto Miss Cooper will you Trick?” 

Patrick handed his teacher the phone, hands shaking incessantly.

* * *

She walked the sad boy down to the office and signed him out of school.

“You’re not in trouble okay?” She whispered.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Also, I didn’t tell your dad I know about the therapist ok?”

Patrick sighed, relieved. “Thanks so much. Haven’t you got a class to teach?” He shrugged.

Her eyes widened. “Oh yeah! Gonna head over to base, see you tomorrow, you know where to find me.” 

“Thanks so much Miss.” He called out, he meant it so badly.

“Anytime Gaskarth, see you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you all loads!!!!!!
> 
> so... 3 days till november 4th, that marks 1 month since i thought i was utterly finished with all of this *gestures to all of myself*  
> I'm still here, hope you're doing okay, remember you matter, don't let your mind destroy you, you're stronger than i ever will be, all of you are <3


	42. i'm coming apart (at the seams)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> patrick is okay, but he's scared.
> 
> tw: suicidal thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... my first therapy session went okay, i'm relieved tbh <3
> 
> struggling to write at the moment, but i'll be back soon ok? <3 :)
> 
> hope you're all doing alright my friends.   
> stay alive,   
> stay strong   
> and never let them take the light behind your eyes

The bar was derelict and dimly lit. The cheap neon lights flashed, too brightly, upon the run-down streets. Thunder roared above the boy who was too lost and too confused to even hear it. Faceless, fake people rubbed past the lonely teen.

* * *

He didn’t even know what he was doing.

Patrick Gaskarth was hunched as he sat on the rickety stool, softly kicking the bar in front of him. Taking a swig of beer, the tension fell from his exhausted limbs.

* * *

**_No one cares_ **

**_You’re nothing_ **

**_You’re so insignificant_ **

**_DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE KILL YOURSELF YOU’RE DESTROYING ALL OF THEM_ **

**_They’d be better off without you, you know?_ **

* * *

**** The boy with auburn hair was trying so hard not to cry, not to surrender, not to fall apart. 

All over again.

Somedays, all he wanted was to simply… not exist. Somedays, when he was drowning and screaming silently for help, wearing his emotions on his left wrist, he wanted to fade away.

* * *

**_No one would care if you did_ **

* * *

**** But Patrick knew, that some people cared. Pete cared, Ryan cared, Alex cared, his friends cared. All he wanted to do, was protect them from all the swirling tornadoes destroying his brain. But in so many ways, Patrick was powerless.They all had their own storms, the only they could do was hold each other’s hands as everything fell apart or came together around them

He sighed, cursing to himself. With a shaking hand, he slid a fiver across the damp wood of the bar. The bartender nodded in thanks.

* * *

Patrick hurried out into the street, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched he headed back home.

* * *

The rain gently destroyed him, tearing him apart piece by piece that night.

But in some ways, he was okay with that.

Because he knew that he would be pieced back together come sunrise by those who stayed by his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me, your support means the world <3


	43. i just won't let go till we both see the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray saved him. 
> 
> His nightmares were lying
> 
> Tw: sexual assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this last night, well, technically this morning...  
> at 2am. 
> 
> <3

Faceless, fake people rubbed against the lonely teen.

Tearing him apart as the hurt him over and over and over. 

His head was too blurry. His vision was unfocused.

* * *

Mikey was sitting alone in the train station, waiting to head home to Ray.

He'd gone to see Iron Maiden that night, they were always amazing to watch. 

He stumbled into the local club, he'd lost control again. He needed control.

He needed to feel something. Something other than nothing at all.

* * *

Countless men with the wrong intentions groped him, whispered sick words into his ears, touched him, forcibly kissed him. 

But all Mikey could do was whisper a soft, nearly inaudible ‘no’ as he was dragged, kicking and thrashing out the club by faceless people. 

They were kicking him in the ribs as they rammed into him over and over.

They were screaming, drunkenly, as they kept going.

* * *

Mikey was screaming but no sound was coming out.

Then he woke up crying and pleading. 

Ray holding him close to his chest, soothing his shaking love.

* * *

“It was just a nightmare, Mikey.” He whispered.

“I know.”

But even though Mikes knew it was a nightmare, his brain didn't.

He didn't know if it got worse that night or if Ray saved him before it did. He didn't know what was real. 

But Ray knew. 

Ray had rescued his boyfriend that awful night before they could tear him apart.

* * *

But Mikey always woke up on the wrong side of reality.


	44. (things are better if i stay) so long and goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so they cry and hold on to each other for dear life.
> 
> tw: past self harm, abuse, bullying, death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't hate me for the helena lyrics please, i'm so sorry for this chapter.

It’d been a year since Dallon’s head had hit the soaking tiles. He wasn’t showing any sign of waking up. Doctors tried to remain optimistic for the sake of the scared kids, but it was obvious that they were struggling to find hope in the face of absolute woe.

* * *

It’d been a year since Patrick found family and sanctuary with the Gaskarths. 

A year since Ray and Mikey had decided to move in with Gerard and Frank, therefore bringing them even closer than they already were.

A year since Joe had moved in permanently with the Hurleys, the same with Zack and the Dawsons.

A year since Gee and Frankie had gotten engaged (they wanted to get married with Dall at the wedding after all).

A year since Alex’s suicide attempt.

A year since Joe’s promise to get better (and he was, he really was).

A year since Brendon and Ryan played their first little show at the bar with all their brothers cheering them on. 

A year since Josh and Ty had fallen head over heels for each other all over again and started making music together.

A year since Pete had come clean about what really happened in the parking lot at their local Best Buy.

It’d been a year, yet the boys were still frozen in time, frozen in self hatred, they blamed themselves for their lost friend on his hospital bed. Then it went so wrong.

* * *

Ryan woke up to the sound of nurses shouting for help. He woke up to the heart machine beeping feverishly, and deafeningly loud. Ross was nervous, he didn’t hear anything as the nurses and doctors and staff gently led him from Dallon’s hospital room. 

He simply stared at his fading friend, numb to the salty tears staining his cheeks as he sobbed silently, shaking hands on the wall in front of him in case he fell down. 

Ryan saw all his friends come over to him, they were crying and wanted to yell for someone to tell them what the bloody hell was going on. But all they found themselves able to do was lean and hold onto each other, in case the terror pulled them under completely. The boys were holding onto each other for dear life, waiting for what seemed like forever.

* * *

They could see the doctor sigh, running his hands through his greying hair, he looked to the shaken up boys waiting outside. 

He had to be the one to tell them. He owed it to them after all. 

He was the doctor who’d looked after Dallon for the last year, the boy’s friends making sure the staff had all the coffee they needed. They wanted their friend back so bad, that they forgot about themselves and cared for those who were keeping their brother alive. The doctor could only marvel at their strength and their bravery. 

So that was why the words he had to say, hurt so fucking bad.

* * *

“Time of death, 3:30 am.” 

Out of the corner of his tearful eyes he saw the kids outside fall to the hard floor, crying uncontrollably as they held onto each other for dear life, as they held onto the anchors that kept each of them grounded.

* * *

When Brendon heard the doctor say “Time of death, 3:30 am.” through the glass, he broke down.

He was begging to the God that he had never bothered believing in, he was pleading for his best friend to come back to him, to come back to all of them.

“God, no, please, God, no.”

* * *

**_Can you hear me?_ **

It was Halloween night. Dallon was swinging on the swing on the Urie’s porch, laughing as the moon illuminated his friend and made him look like a ghost. Brendon roared loudly and chased Dall around the garden, the two kids screaming in childish delight. 

Innocent as can be.

* * *

**_Are you near me?_ **

Josh was destroying his drums in a haze of self-hatred. Dallon looked over to his good friend and removed the wooden sticks from his bleeding, shaking, calloused hands and hugged him. Hugged him tightly and warmly. 

“I love you Joshie. You know that right?” Dallon whispered, softly kissing his friend’s cheek.

“But.. how could you? How could you love someone who doesn’t matter?”

Dallon raised his dark eyebrows in confusion. “What on earth do you mean?” He asked. “You matter to all of us, Joshie, you matter so fucking much!” 

He cursed, smiling as he cupped the nervous drummer’s cheek. He still spoke softly, his voice laced with love for his brother. 

“But..” Josh whimpered. Dallon shook his head, laughing sadly. 

“Don’t you dare disagree with me Dun, you’re an amazing kid, and I love you. Tyler loves you, we all do. You’re so important, too all of us. Never forget that.”

As Dallon put his hand into Josh’s, it began to fade away, slowly at first. 

Then all at once.

* * *

**_Can we pretend, to leave? And then_ **

Dallon ran into class, he got there just in time. The bell had chimed loudly as he entered. 

Then some moron tripped him up and he fell. 

Books flew from his arms and banged on the floor, his sleeves made their way up his forearms. 

Everyone saw. Everyone saw. Everyone saw his thoughts, his emotions, his darkest moments because they had been cut into his forearms as he cried in bathrooms, walked alone at night, drowned in the cavern of his mind. He wore his life on his body, faded, new bruises scattered on his sides were visible as his shirt came up, it came up enough.

Then they all laughed. 

Then Pete hugged him tightly screaming for the “..motherfuckers to leave him the hell alone! Get the fuck out of here before i destroy all of you!!!”

Dallon was a mess, he cried and showed no signs of stopping. 

Then Pete turned away, just for a second. 

But it was enough time for the bullies to drag Dallon away, alone and empty.

* * *

**_We’ll meet again when both our cars collide_ **

Dallon was gone. 

He wasn’t coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe and alive. please.
> 
> i love you all and am sending you lots of hope and hugs <3 <3 <3


	45. don't get too close, it's dark inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it should've been him because he's insignificant 
> 
> Tw: suicidal thoughts (implied), self hatred, alcoholism, relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't even know what I'm doing right now. 
> 
> everything's so blurry and dark im scared

Gerard rolled out of bed, anxiety spiking as he looked at the time. 

It was 3:30am.

They’d only lost Dallon 24 hours ago. 24 hours ago, Dallon was breathing, they were all hopeful that he’d wake up and they’d see the beautiful brown eyes that they’d missed for a year. But then he faded away completely.

Gerard knew that if he had taken Dallon out of school, on the day he tripped, on the day everyone saw, on the day his head hit the tiles, that Dallon would be here. Dallon was gone, and Gerard knew it was his fault. 

And so he lost control.

Again.

* * *

It was 4am. 

The lamp on their kitchen softly illuminated the boy who knew it should have been him.

Because if it had been him then Dallon would be breathing. If he had noticed, then he would've destroyed the kids who hurt their little brother.  
If only it had been him.

* * *

He took a sip of beer, feeling the blissful release of the alcohol in his veins again. He cried, cursing his selfishness, his worthlessness, his everything.

But the funeral was in 5 hours. 

He didn't want to disappoint Dallon by completely losing himself again.  
So he fell asleep at the wooden table, as he slept the glass fell from his trembling hands and smashed on the floor.

* * *

Gerard didn't want to think.  
So he retreated into himself, not giving a fuck about the consequences of his relapse.

* * *

Because he was drowning. 

Because he deserved to drown and he knew he was nothing.

He was insignificant after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love and hope my friends.   
> You're all so much braver than me   
> Stay alive and safe <3 <3 <3
> 
> On a funny note, so I've only got a select few songs from Folie a deux ok (disloyal order, what a catch, nosebleed, west coast smoker) and my phone sometimes puts the songs in the wrong order so I didn't know it was the right order. Listening to nosebleed then west coast smoker comes on. For weeks I was thinking about how perfect the transition was between two songs that weren't consecutive. I am smart lol.


	46. (here comes the rain again) falling from the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are now in pieces 
> 
> tw: implied sucide attempt, self harm, abuse, alcoholism, relapse
> 
> title from wake me up when september ends by green day, one of my favourites of theirs <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the support you brilliant lot! <3 <3
> 
> means the world to me

Brendon carefully tied his black tie. It had to be perfect.

Dallon had always nagged the boys about neatness whenever they all went out for dinner, and maybe Gerard had his shirt untucked, Dall would just roll his eyes and laugh helplessly. Ryan came up behind him and wrapped his long arms around Brendon’s waist, looking at the mirror. Looking back at them were two boys who had lost their brother, they just wanted him back.

* * *

It was 9am. The sky was grey and then sun had decided to hide behind the clouds.

Gerard had fallen to his knees before the funeral and thrown up, he hands shaking as he knelt alone in the dark bathroom, when the demons in his head screamed.

But Frank hadn’t noticed, or he didn’t want to believe that Gerard had relapsed. Gerard didn’t want Frankie to notice that he was falling to pieces. Because he promised Frank he would get better. Because..

Because, Dallon would’ve wanted him to be strong. But he wasn’t strong. He was weak, weaker than he ever had been for a year.

* * *

Patrick looked over and Gerard and Frank, G was swaying, pressing his shaking body against his fiance’s in an attempt to stay anchored.

“Gerard?” Patrick hissed. “You alright?” Gerard’s eyes widened and he turned to Trick as if a deer in headlights. He laughed weakly, smiling through the sadness. “I’m fine Trick, don’t worry.”

“Hey Frank,” Pete saw Patrick look, concerned, over at Gerard. “Is G alright?”

Frank looked at his boyfriend. He didn’t look okay, that was for sure. His face was all pasty and pale, smile faked, tears ruining his makeup. “No, I’ll ask him later, I don’t think now’s the time?” He asked Pete and himself (subconsciously).

Pete nodded, but he knew something was up with G. “Okay, see you later Frankie.”

* * *

The funeral was heartbreaking. Each of the boys (with their respective families seated) gave a speech about Dallon.

Dallon’s parents didn’t attend. They’d disappeared days before Dallon had been hurt in school, they just abandoned their kid and left him, alone, crying.

Brendon had broke down halfway through his and couldn’t stop apologizing. But he had absolutely nothing to say sorry for.

Ryan had just frozen, with his head in his hands he stopped talking. Ross stood at the podium, shoulders hunched, tearful as he whispered one word. “Sorry.”

* * *

Pete was a wreck, his tone was weighted with blame, that even when he laughed about all the stupid shit he and Dall had gotten up to, he found himself sobbing only seconds after.

Patrick was the only one who was able to speak entirely, even though his voice cracked so many times, he finished with a small thank you. A thank you that went so much farther than just the two words.

* * *

Alex hadn’t known Dallon very well, but he talked about how welcoming the boy had been to Alex, how accepting and sweet he’d been to him. Dallon had picked Al up from countless panic attacks and would hold the boy for hours on end when Jack was out, or Alex didn’t have the guts to call his boyfriend, or was too submerged in his head, Dallon would always come round. Alex didn’t even have to phone Weekes, he just knew.

Jack on the other hand, was physically unable to talk, Alex held Jack close and kissed his temple softly as Jack went into a talk about when Dallon had first picked up a bass guitar at his house. Dallon’s eyes had lit up and Jack knew that something was special about the kid and that instrument.

* * *

Zack cried as he told everyone about the time Dallon had helped him up, when he had woken up after a particularly awful night at home, he hadn’t known that what his parents were doing to him was abuse, not yet. Zack and Weekes were only 8 at the time. Nothing physical, it was all verbal. That stung and wore him down. He remembered sitting alone in the local park when Dall had come to sit by him. He had asked what was going on and Zack told Dallon all of it. Then he had seen Dallon’s scars and hugged his friend close, pleading for him to come to him or Rian if he ever had the urge to hurt himself. Dallon had promised, but no one knew that he broke that promise again, days after his 9th birthday. Because he thought he deserved it.

Rian smiled as he told the story of Dallon setting the two of them up, he laughed as he cried, talking about meeting a nervous Zack for the first time at the Urie’s place. Zack was being hugged by a reassuring Dallon when Rian had walked in, and fell in love with Merrick the moment he saw him, they’d been 14 when they fell head over heels for each other. Rian also stopped halfway because he burst into tears. Tears that wouldn’t stop. He remembered how simply beautiful, yet broken Dallon had been and how utterly selfless he had been. He was everyone’s slightly mature brother, that everyone thought was older. Truth be told, he was the youngest in the gang.

* * *

Tyler talked about the fact that whenever Dall would enter a room, the aura would become so much lighter and brighter. He talked about how Dallon would stay up for hours on end, not caring about himself as he talked Joe down from the bridge that time when everything got a bit much. He talked about Dallon gave his friends all of him, even his bruises, scars and wounds. He gave them everything he was and in return they were hopeful that they saved their friend. Dallon had come so close to committing suicide a couple years ago that Tyler had held Weekes as he drifted off into his head, flushing his razor blades away.

Josh talked about how when they played together, whenever Josh felt Bad, Dallon would always pick him up again, no matter what. He cried as he retold the day that he, himself, had attempted to end his own life, Dallon had found him and raced to the hospital in Josh’s battered car, urging the drifting drummer to stay with him. And stay he did.

* * *

Joe talked about Dallon saving him as he was stood out over the water, how Dallon took him to therapy and was there when Andy needed to rest. Joe talked about how, one time, he had punched Dallon’s father in the nose, subsequently angering the man even more. They had ran off, giggling and screaming in delight like back when they were little kids. After Joe had defended Dallon when they were only 7, the boys grew all the most closer, playing together and rehearsing with whomever in the Hurleys basement.

Andy was too lost to talk, he couldn't stop sobbing, so Joe spoke for him. Andy managed to thank Dallon for saving his love when he couldn't. Because Dallon had saved Joe from himself and for that Andy was eternally grateful. But also for the love Dallon so freely gave his brothers, it was to marvel at.

* * *

Mikey talked about Dallon’s kindness, how it ran through his veins, how wonderful a brother he had been. Reminiscing about the times when they’d been 11 and Dall had taught Mikey bass guitar, Mikey had always wanted to play and finally worked up the courage to ask Dallon to teach him. Dallon had smiled and jumped up and down in delight.

Ray spoke about how Dall was quite the matchmaker, he knew Mikey and Ray were perfect for each other, after years of pining Weekes finally gave up and set them up. It had been beautiful. He talked about how he had never met someone like Dallon. Someone so there. Someone… he knew he could never find another Dallon, because Dall was gone.

Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray called themselves My Chemical Romance. Iero and his fiance were wrecked, and wouldn’t be able to talk without breaking down. So Mikey and Ray stepped back and let the two boys perform without them.

* * *

They sang a song called ‘Helena’. One that Gerard screamed the lyrics, yet he also sang them with all he was. He was baring his soul to his friends all over again, how he wished it could’ve been him, but also just how utterly unique and amazing their lost brother had been. Frank, on the other hand, broke his guitar at the very end, the guitarist was crying loudly, yet he virtually destroyed the strings in an attempt to block out his tears and emotion.

* * *

And when Gerard had screamed the final “So Long and Goodnight!” him and his love had fallen to pieces.

And then the sky opened up and the rain drowned the broken boys who had no hope at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you all 
> 
> stay strong, stay alive and never let them take the light behind your eyes


	47. (it was over my head) i know nothing at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rian and josh hold each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short <3
> 
> (it has a hopeful undertone, so does life)

The boys stayed round at Gerard and Frank’s house for the next few days, just so they could be close to one another.  

It was 3:30 am. 5 days since they had lost their best friend.

* * *

Josh was gripping the sides of the kitchen sink. His knuckles were blanching as soft moonlight trickled through the blinds. Rian walked in, shadows under his eyes. “Hey Josho,” he softly called out. “You okay?”

Josh didn’t turn to face his friend, he stayed frozen. “He’s not coming back, is he? He’s gone. He’s gone!” The blue-haired boy’s voice cracked suddenly and he walked into Rian’s open arms. 

“Dallon will never be gone Josho.” Rian chuckled sadly as he wiped away the shaking boy’s tears. 

“What do you mean?” Josh whispered. Rian looked into Josh’s sad sad eyes and put a hand to Josh’s heart. 

“He’ll always be with you.”

Josh looked shattered, as if he was falling apart all over again. “But, but I want him to be with us, I want him to hug me like he always did.” Josh’s pleas were quiet and wracked with sadness. 

Rian looked even sadder now, but he had to strong. He had to be strong for all of them. “You see, Josh...” Rian didn’t know what to say, because he couldn’t ‘see’ whatever it is he needed Josh to see so fucking badly. There was no point in lying to the boy because they were both so fragmented that they needed to stick together.

Like they always had done.

* * *

“Rian?” Josh whispered.

The other boy turned. “Yeah?”

“I don’t want to worry Ty,” he cleared his throat. “Can, can you just stay with me tonight, please?” The blue boy hastily rubbed his eyes, smiling gratefully.

“Of course.” Rian replied quietly, letting himself cry.

* * *

Rian curled onto the worn out, comfy sofa and Josh collapsed on top of him. They  fell asleep almost instantly.

They stayed together until the sun rose and covered the broken boys in light.

* * *

Tyler and Zack went downstairs together that morning, both nervous and worried about their boyfriends.

They were welcomed by the simply heart-rending, yet adorable sight of the two drummers collapsed on top of each other. 

Josh was holding Rian protectively, as if to protect him from the night. 

Ty and Zack decided against waking their loves up and instead went back upstairs to watch some tv together, they had to give each other the time that they needed after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for staying with me, love you all and stay safe, alive and strong.
> 
> take care of yourselves ok? |-/


	48. save me! (from my self destruction)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick holds him
> 
> Tw: self harm (implied), relapse, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts, self hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, all your support gives me the motivation I need to keep writing. 
> 
> having a shitty time in general at the moment.   
> nearly having breakdowns everyday. enough about me, that's selfish
> 
> Hope you're all doing alright. Remember I love you xx

4am. Again. 

Once again, Gerard found himself sitting at the kitchen table, a bottle of vodka gripped in his shaking hand.

He vomited onto the table and collapsed on the floor. A mess of greasy hair, alcohol and self hatred. He tried to stand up, but his legs were so unstable that he ended up with his back against the wall, sweating profusely and sobbing his eyes out. 

The cuts on his forearms had healed a long time ago, but new ones had appeared since they'd lost Dallon.

Fuck, did he hate himself. 

He couldn't stop crying.

* * *

_**Die** _   
_**You know it should be you in that graveyard You ruined Dallon** _   
_**It's all YOUR FAULT** _   
_**THEY’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU** _   
_**YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM YOU KILLED HIM** _

“Shut up!” Gerard half whispered-shouted to his brain. “Please shut up. Please stop it.” He pressed his hands over his ears as the shadows around him kept scREAMING.

But he hadn't been as discreet as he had hoped.

* * *

Patrick stumbled down the stairs.

He could still hear the crying, who was up at this time? Muttering under his breath, he flicked the light switch in the kitchen, as the bulb flickered to life and softly illuminated the room, not too brightly thank god, Trick saw Gerard hunched against the wall.

Hands pressed over his ears, tears streaming down his face.

There was the familiar stench of sick in the air. Patrick softly walked over to his panicking brother.

"Oh, no. G sweetie, what did you do?” Gerard’s eyes flicked up to Patrick’s. He looked the same as he did at the funeral, Gee looked like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car.

“I… It wouldn't stop! It won't shut up, please Patrick, please make it stop,” Gerard begged, hyperventilating. “Please?”

* * *

“What do you want me to do?” Patrick whispered urgently, suddenly scared.

“Hold me, please?” Gerard whimpered, hopeless and… Lost.

Patrick nodded wordlessly and gently let Gee over to the armchair, sitting down he let Gerard curl up on top of him. Patrick lightly kissed his friend’ temple before reaching for his phone (relief, he had got it with him) and composing an urgent text to Frankie. 

4:13, Trickster: hey Frankie, sorry to wake you, but you need to come downstairs. please? it's gee <3

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all, you're lighting up so many loves so never think for a second that you don't matter. Because you do. So fucking much.   
> <3 <3 take care and stay alive 
> 
> The fact that people like, take the time out of their days, to read my writing... I mean wow. Thank you for making my words mean something even if it's only for a moment.   
> Thank you for making me feel like I mean something when I'm nothing.   
> Thank you so much :') xx


	49. im standing on a tower (trying my hardest to make it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They stay with him that night even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. Even though it won't stop. 
> 
> Tw: suicidal thoughts, hyperventilating, breakdowns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nearly at 50?? chapters??? Wow!
> 
> Thanks so much! Stay alive and take care of yourselves <3 <3

Gerard Arthur Way was frozen. All around him, time was speeding up and slowing down and speeding up again.

His hands were pressed to his ears in a fit of desperation, he needed the shadows to stop so bad. He was whispering under his breath feverently.

* * *

"Stop, please, stop, please.” His voice cracked at the end and he disintegrated into Patrick’s shaking arms.

The blond boy looked down at his friend.

“I-I’ve g-got you, Gee. Frankie’s on his w--wa-way o-okay?”

Patrick was crying softly, stroking Gerard’s hair and holding him, trying his hardest to protect him from all the shadows and darkness and monsters and demons out to destroy his friend.

Gerard nodded quickly, curling into Patrick even more.

“It won’t stop,” He whimpered weakly.

“Maybe I should make it stop.”

* * *

Patrick stopped stroking Gee’s hair. “Don’t you dare say that,” He was choking up now.

“Don’t you fucking dare leave us. We can’t lose you too. I, I can’t lose you.” He spoke in a voice drenched in tears and resignation.  
Yet he was determined to keep his friend by his side.

Gerard looked to Patrick, “What difference would it make?” He asked quietly. “I killed him, Trick, I killed him.”

He spoke monotonously, his voice as empty as the way he crumpled into Patrick’s embrace. He was indifferent to the hidden pleas behind Gaskarth’s words.

“You loved him Gerard. You didn't kill him, those bastards did. All you did was love him. Simply to be loved it is a gift in itself.”

* * *

It was 4:35am  
Frank ran down the stairs. To his annoyance, he'd only just seen Patrick's message.

* * *

Frank Iero saw his baby, his everything, curled up and sobbing in Patrick’s arms. “Gee?” Frank called out, his heart breaking.

“Frankie?” Gerard replied, crying out to the guitarist.

“I'm here, baby I'm here.” Frank whispered over and over, as Gerard gently untangled himself from Patrick's embrace.

He whispered a soft, ‘thank you’, one choked in tears into Gaskarth’s ear.

Patrick smiled, shaking his head and kissed G’s salty cheek.He gently went back upstairs, hoping Pete would make him okay and just hold him.

“Love you guys.” Patrick smiled from the staircase, moonlight shining on him. He looked like a guardian angel.

* * *

“Frank?” Gerard asked.

"Yeah baby?”

“I'm sorry about our wedding-”

Frank shook his head, kissing Gerard to make him stop talking.

"Don't apologise. There's nothing to be sorry for baby. Nothing at all.”

Gerard nodded, seemingly content with his answer.

* * *

“Can you stay? With me? Please?”

Frank hugged his fiancé tightly to his chest and rocked him to sleep.

"I love you, Frank.”

Frank Iero smiled brightly, yet he was so sad.

“I know,” He replied tearfully, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support, hits, kudos, comments and support you brilliant lot. Means the world to me, makes me feel like I'm something, just for a moment. But that's enough. 
> 
> Stay safe and take care <3  
> Thanks for reading this! <3


	50. kiss me you animal!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they eat breakfast and.. and realise how much they need each other, how much they always will.
> 
> it's just fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the bit where Jack is like "shall we?" is based on whenever my mates and i go out shopping or whatever or just go out in general, the fact that i always say "shall we?" and we go in with our arms linked its fun lol <3 :)
> 
> (]-|||- |-/ (>-|||-
> 
> also........ i am in shock tbh. Wtf?? We're at 700 fuckin hits?!  
> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU BEAUTIFUL RAINBOWS <3

It was 11:30am. 17 days and 7 hours since they had lost Dallon. Since he’d passed away. The sun was rising, light spilling over the jagged, uneven skylines.

* * *

Jack and Alex lay beside each other, drowning in each-other. Jack reached out to gently caress Al’s cheek and Alex purred. Literally purred. Like he’s a cat. 

Jack smiled, giggling. “Hi Tiger.” 

Alex looked confused, “What the hell do you mean by ‘Tiger’?” 

Jack laughed loudly, scoffing in confusion. “Mate, come on, you purred, literally purred.” Alex blushed. 

“Stop it!” He protested, trying not to smile, subsequently failing.

The smell of breakfast foods wafted under their closed door. Jack squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. “I love you, I hope you know that Gaskarth.”

Alex chastely kissed Jack’s stubbly cheek. “I love you too,” he replied softly. “Thanks for staying with me, not leaving like everyone else does.” 

“Shall we?” Jack smiled brightly as his.. At his everything, at his savior. 

“Always the gentleman, Barakat. Yes, we shall.”

* * *

Jack and Alex wandered in, hand in hand. Pete and Patrick were knocking back hot chocolates over and over, yes, plural. Mikey and Ray were sitting on the same chair, the curly haired guitarist had cupcake icing (yes, they had cupcakes for breakfast because that’s awesome) covering his hands. “Not again cupcake.” Mikey whispered, smiling cheekily. 

Joshie was eating a banana, much to his boyfriend’s dismay. 

“Josh buddy. You’re betraying me, what the hell?” Tyler asked faux-shocked. 

“But Ty,” Josh replied, still eating. “I need to have more potassium in my diet according to what Doctor Urie over there told me.”

Tyler raised his eyebrows. “What the- Josho, baby, you’re literally one of the healthiest people I know,” He sighed, furrowing his brow.

“Fuck you, Urie.” He called out to the boy who was currently feeding his boyfriend some grapes. B dropped the grapes and Ryan started coughing, Brendon laughed loudly and patted Ry’s back to help him out. 

“Gladly,” he smirked at the annoyed brunette, laughing. He stopped when he saw Ryan’s confused face. “Um.. Joseph swore!” 

“I’m fine B, oh my god.” Ryan’s eyes were watering and he was laughing so hard that he fell off the chair. Jack and Alex hoisted him up and into Beebo’s lap again. 

Rian and Zack just looked adorably in love with one another, they kept kissing each other. “GET A ROOM CHILDREN!” Jack yelled, at the two. Rian pulled away, rolling his eyes, softly chuckling.

“Yeah, shut it, Barakat we all know why you’re late.” Jack shut up then, blushing a furious red as he kissed Alex on the lips.

Joe and Andy were nowhere to be seen. Alex looked around for the two lovebirds. “Hey, where are And and Joe at?” 

Patrick finished ‘tidying-up’ (making it all messy and adorable) his boyfriend’s hair. “I think they went out for breakfast or something,” Trick winked. “If you know what I mean.” 

“Stop it right now!” Jack demanded, fake angry. “Your brother here is too innocent for this shit.”

Patrick smiled brightly. “Ugh, sorrrryyyy Mother.” He giggled, hiding behind Pete’s messed up hair.

Alex and Jack smiled at each other. Goddamnit, did they adore their friends.

* * *

Then Gerard and Frank walked in, ecstatic yet nervous. They had an aura of sadness about them and the two sat down. 

Then Frank made an announcement. “We’re getting married in two weeks!” He grinned and kissed Gee’s chapped lips roughly, yet lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when josh is eating the banana and saying how its based on what 'doctor urie over there' told him, i nearly wrote 'doctor weekes' and literally cried im so sorry <3 :'(
> 
> Also: I did research for this chapter, I mean I looked up cat names


	51. you will always burn as bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they'll stay together forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is some cute frerard and rikey stuff ahead so yay! 
> 
> Take care loves <3 <3
> 
> Hope you're all doing okay, I'm doing alright at the moment which is good |-/

****They were still counting down the days, how could they not when their lost brother was so close but so far?

* * *

Today was the day of the wedding. The day they’d been anticipating nervously for the past year and a half. 

Mikey’s older brother was growing up, it made him so sad, yet so delighted. Gee was 18 now, no one had known if he would even make it to 14.

And here he was, alive and in love.

Mikey swallowed nervously as he tried to tie his bow tie, subsequently failing. Ray wrapped his arms around the bassist’s waist and softly kissed his lips, the two boys passionately pressed close together. The curly haired kid reached to his boyfriend’s neck and tied the black fabric, securely. It looked a lot more presentable than Mikey’s halfhearted attempt bless him.

He rained soft kisses on Mikey’s throat, whimpering softly. Mikey grinned and collapsed into his love’s arms. 

Gerard burst in, terrified yet excited. “Fuckin hell, Mikey you ready for this?” Mikey and Ray backed away from each other. Looking at Gee apologetically, Mikey embraced his older brother tightly.   
“If you are then I am.” Mikey squeezed his red-haired brother’s hand tightly. 

“What if he leaves me?” Gerard was unable to stop panicking. 

Ray shook his head, “I'll be damned if he does. Iero loves you too freakin much G. If he does, then he'll have to deal with Mikes and I.” He laughed, rubbing the groom’s back reassuringly. 

The older Way boy exhaled. “I'm ready now.” He whispered, choked with emotion.

* * *

No one gave anyone away, they weren't the most conventional couple after all. They didn't see any point, because they weren't leaving anyone behind. 

Frank looked beautiful. His hair was streaked subtly with darker and lighter shades that shone brightly in the light of the room. He was smiling, the scorpion on his neck just sitting above the collar of his shirt.  
Gerard was ecstatic, he was sneaking looks at his fiancé, at his soon-to-be husband.

* * *

It was time for their vows. Frank cleared his throat and took Gee's hands in his. He smiled. 

“I, Frank Iero, promise to stay with you. To take care of you, to chase all the darkness away if you drown. You saved me Gerard, you picked me up when everyone else kicked me to the curb, you're the reason I wake up every single morning. I owe you all I am and so much more. You are my world G and I love you with every fibre of my abnormally short being. You're my everything and I want to be with you for the rest of this long ass road.”

Patrick laughed loudly, claps came from the crowd before them. Gerard was tearing up, rubbing his eyes he looked at Frankie.

* * *

“So. My turn. Frankie baby, you saved me from myself. You pulled me back when all I wanted to do was disappear. I'm sorry for all the hurt I put you through, but you were right! Things do get better, and hopefully they'll keep improving with time. I always loved you, even when we were kids, I knew it was going to you who took my heart. I'll stay with you, I promise. I love you Frankie. So much.”

There was an eruption of cheers. 

“You little nerds can make out now,” Josh grinned, who could've known the kid was an ordained minister in his spare time?

They kissed each other, drowning in their closeness and love. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you. Mr and Mr Iero-Way. Now run off all of you! There's some good cake in the other room!” Josh laughed and jumped up and down, hugging his friends tightly. 


	52. (i fought them all off just to) hold you close and tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> frerard fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this is so short :(

Gerard rolled onto his side to face his husband. The mattress squeaked as he moved to be closer to Frank. He kissed his temple softly, holding the small guitarist close to his chest. Wanting to feel his heartbeat. “I love you.” He whispered. 

Frank squirmed, smiling adorably as his eyes slowly opened. “I love you too,” Gerard started crying. Frank laughed softly. “Why are you crying babe?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” Gerard’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. Frank bit his lip, worried, as Gerard nestled into Frank’s neck.

“Tell me!” Frank grinned nervously, chuckling as he ran his fingers through Gerard’s newly brown hair. 

“I never thought I’d make it.” Gee replied softly, voice heavy with emotion and unshed tears. Frank smiled sadly, wiping Gerard’s tears away.

“But babe, you did. You’re here and I’m so fucking proud of you. Gerard, you stayed alive, you survived. And you’re so much stronger than you realise.”

Gerard was speechless. All he found himself able to do was hold Frank’s hands. 

The boy kissed his shaking husband and held him close and tight.

“Frankie?” Gerard whimpered.

“Yeah baby?” Frank replied gently as he rubbed soothing circles on his love’s body.

“Did we fight them all off? Did we win?”

Frank Iero stopped. Smiling, he nodded. “Yes, we fought them all off G, and we won.” Then they kissed. And fell in love with one another all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... i think? there's going to be two more chapters then we're finished.  
> i know how it's going to end and i feel like it'll be bittersweet.  
> i'm kinda sad??? it's ending because this is one of the first fics i've been really passionate about and it's such an integral part of my dumb existence. but i'll be back with another one i promise, maybe not for a while.
> 
> thanks for sticking with me on this kinda short but wild ride.
> 
> love you all <3 and stay alive


	53. we are the kids from yesterday (we won’t stop breathing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they play their hearts out <3
> 
> they played a song for their lost and alive brothers.
> 
> they bared their souls that night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only used a couple lyrics (copyright idk wanted to be careful lmao)
> 
> disclaimer: i dont own any of the quoted lyrics, they belong to my chemical romance and their record label/company

Mikey, Gerard, Frank and Ray were stood on stage, a nervous Patrick behind the drum set. Palms clammy, bodies shaking, voices cracking. 

The bar they were performing at tonight was dimly lit, lights flickering as the five terrified boys stood on the wooden stage.

* * *

“Hi guys!” Gerard shouted.

A chorus of greetings arose from the crowd in front of them. 

“We’re going to perform one song for you tonight, just one. That is, if you’ll have us. If that’s okay.”

It was okay, at least the boys gathered it was.

* * *

Frank walked over to the mic stand, wrapping his arms round Gerard he called out into the microphone. “Three cheers for our good friend Mr Patrick Gaskarth on the drums! Three cheers for Mikey Way on the killer sparkly bass over there! Three cheers for fuckin Ray Toro, the man, the legend, the guitar king right here!”

There was an passionate eruption of screams and shouts and cheers thrown at the boys through the static. All they could see was all their brothers, all they could see was each other. Because in that moment, everything else was a blur. 

Ray bit his lip as he announced the song they’d be playing. “This is a little thing called ‘The Kids from Yesterday’.”

* * *

The intro to the song went on for a while. Mikey’s fingers smoothly ran over the neck and frets of his bass guitar, Patrick kept the beat on the drums, all traces of anxiety gone from his body.

“We want to thank our brothers for staying with us. From all of us to all of you brilliant boys, we love you so much. It’s been a difficult few years and we kept each other alive. This song goes out to the friends we call family and the kid who isn’t with us anymore,” his voice cracked suddenly. 

“We love you Dallon Weekes, we fuckin love you so much!” Gerard screamed, his heart breaking and bleeding in front of the audience. 

“Let’s go!” Frank screamed.

* * *

There was silence, then the bass and the drums came in. Then the guitars followed suit and they went into the chorus.

_ "And you only live forever in the lights you make _

_ When we were young, we used to say _

_ That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break _

_ Now, we are the kids from yesterday" _

* * *

They played their hearts out and bared every fibre of their beings to the audience gathered. They tore themselves apart that night yet went home with all their pieces back, put together again.

* * *

_ "Today, today _

_ We are the kids from yesterday, today, today _

**_Here, we are and we won't stop breathing_ **

**_Yell it out, 'til your heart stops beating_ **

_ We are the kids from yesterday, today." _

Frank screamed into the microphone, emotions pouring from his fingertips and onto the strings of his electric guitar. Ray jumped around, crying as he put all of himself into the song.

* * *

_ "Cause you only live forever in the lights you make  _

_ When we were young, we used to say _

_ That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break" _

* * *

_ "Now, we are the kids from yesterday _

_ We are the kids from yesterday _

_ We are the kids from yesterday _

* * *

_ We are the kids from yesterday, today _

_ Today!" _

“3! 2! 1!” Patrick and Mikey shouted together.

* * *

**“NOW WE ARE THE KIDS FROM YESTERDAY!”**

Gerard and Frank kissed passionately, falling into each others adoration and love.

Mikey and Ray held each other, hugging and pulling Patrick close to them.

Gerard shouted into the microphone, one final announcement.

"We're just a bunch of kids who felt like they were insignificant. We're just boys who wanted to leave.

We are a band called My Chemical Romance! Never forget us!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more left, thank you all for reading this.   
> means everything to me
> 
> stay safe, take care and stay alive |-/


	54. (this could be) the last of all the rides we take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They disappear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.  
> For now.

1 year after Dallon had passed they all left.

They moved away altogether, but those whose families actually cared, went home to visit every few months.

It was a bittersweet goodbye to the town that had taken so much from them but given them so much as well.

* * *

The boys had hired many moving vans. Not because they didn't want their stuff to get all mixed up, but simply because they had too much shit. The younger kids had graduated a few months earlier, it had been a quiet, intimate ceremony - it wasn’t like usual graduations.

They’d been so happy.

A couple months before, they’d gone browsing for houses in Los Angeles, Seattle and New York. The kids had finally settled on a grand, rather expensive house on the outskirts of Los Angeles.

So they drove, taking many breaks and staying overnight in hotels, the entire 40 hours to LA from New Jersey, where they’d grown up together. It was dumb to drive, they knew that, but it brought them so much closer than they already were.

* * *

Patrick smiled sadly, he had never visited his dad while he was in prison, and here he was. Here he was seated in front of the man who had tore him apart, the man who had made him drown.

Only a thick pane of glass and a simple phone line divided and connected them. Patrick didn't want to say much, but he had to say something after all. He hadn't come all this way for nothing.

“So we're all moving away.” Patrick abruptly snapped. The man, who wasn't his Dad, looked at Trick. His eyes were red and the bags under his eyes were almost black.

“Patrick, son. I'm sorry. For everything. I know you hate me.” He made Patrick feel so fucking guilty. The man who had broken and beaten his son was sober. He was struggling to believe they were the same person.

“I don't hate you. But you're not my Father. You destroyed me, Mr Stump. But, because I'm me, I can't help but forgive you,” the Gaskarth boy wiped angry tears away.

“I hate myself for forgiving you Mr Stump.” His voice betrayed him as he cried. Only for a moment.

The man sat before the quiet boy nodded in acknowledgement.

“Goodbye son, I'm sorry. Good luck.”

Patrick hurriedly got out the chair as it scraped on the floor, he softly replied.

“Bye Dad, I forgive you.”

* * *

They all stood before Dallon's gravestone. The smoke from Gerard’s cigarette made the situation even more heavy.

“Bye Dallon. We love you.” They all took turns in laying down a particular flower that meant something to each of them.

* * *

There'd been 18. That how it was. That's how it always has been.

There were 17 now.

* * *

And then when Ray pressed his food on the accelerator, Mikey wrapped around him, they disappeared.

Leaving the abuse, the cutting, the ignorance, the bullying, the death, the drugs, the alcohol, the relapses, the glass shards behind them.

* * *

They disappeared together.

For better or for worse.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. 
> 
> This story has helped me so much, my writing I feel has improved and it was a good outlet. I enjoyed writing this so fuckin much even if it was scary sometimes to confront all the monsters in my head. |-/  
> I hope you all enjoyed this fic
> 
> Sorry if it's abrupt, it was just time for this to come to an end I suppose. 
> 
> Last of all, stay alive, for me.  
> Love you all so much!!! Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> keep running <3


End file.
